Ask Jigsaw: Coping with bereavement

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

My grandad recently passed away and i have been dealing with this horribly. Because of Covid-19 and the fact that we live in 2 different countries and that the borders are closed, i wasnt able to attend his funeral nor am i able to see my grandmother.

i dont sleep for 2 nights and then pass out for 15 hours because i cant bear to sleep, i feel as though everything has been dulled down and numb. this is bringing up a lot of sadness that ive been bottling up since 2nd year (im in 5th year now) and ive gotten so unstable.

yesterday my paints got mixed up and im pretty sure i had a mild panic attack. over paint. are there any healthy cpoing mechanisms or maybe a way of closure?

i just miss him, whenever we visited he used to tell us weird little jokes in our native language and take us to the corner store to get us gigantic ice creams in cones. i just miss him and it hurts so much, im too scared to think of him because i hate crying and making people worry about me which then leads to them trying to fix me which never works. i just dont know what to do anymore.

-Brick

Hi there Brick,

I’m sorry that you’re going through such a loss in what’s already a difficult time. Attending the funeral of a loved one can be a very important part of the grieving process. It gives us the chance to share fond memories, and to support one another in our grief. It makes sense that missing your Grandad’s funeral has made it difficult to process his death.

Jason

Jigsaw Clinician

Dealing with grief during Covid-19 requires us to rethink how we want to say goodbye to our loved ones.

Saying goodbye

Dealing with grief during Covid-19 requires us to rethink how we want to say goodbye to our loved ones. You mentioned some lovely memories about your Grandad. It can be healing to share stories like these with friends and family who knew our loved one. During Covid-19 we might have to do this via phone, zoom or by letter. Reaching out to others who are grieving too can help us to feel less alone with our pain.

Dealing with emotions

Grief can cause us to experience some really intense emotions. It’s important to find ways to process these emotions as we experience them. As you’ve noticed, if we bottle things up, they tend to resurface when we’re going through a tough time.

It can be helpful to use a journal to write down what you’re feeling in the moment. It’s important to accept whatever emotions you identify. There is no right or wrong way to feel after a loss. We can try lots of different ways to express these emotions, remembering to be patient with ourselves as not every technique will work. Here are some ideas for ideas on how to support yourself when feeling low.