Talking to teenagers can sometimes feel like trying to open a door that keeps closing.
Many parents want to support their young person, but they are not always sure how to start the conversation or keep it going.
In a recent webinar hosted by Jigsaw’s Neart Team, Dr. Kim Lombard spoke about practical ways parents can strengthen communication with their teens. Kim shared a simple framework built around four ideas that all begin with the letter “C”. These small shifts can help parents build stronger, more open relationships with their young people.
Start with self-compassion
Parenting a teenager can be challenging. It is normal to question your decisions or feel that you could have handled something differently.
Showing yourself compassion is an important starting point. This means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Instead of focusing on mistakes, try to recognise that parenting is a learning process.
When parents are kinder to themselves, it becomes easier to respond calmly and thoughtfully when challenges arise. This also creates space to reflect on situations and consider what might work differently next time.
Be curious, not judgemental
Curiosity can transform how conversations with teenagers unfold.
Sometimes, when a young person is struggling or acting out of character, our instinct can be to ask “What is wrong with you?” A more helpful question might be “What has gone wrong for you?”
This shift in language moves the focus from seeking to understanding. It shows your young person that you are interested in what they are experiencing rather than judging their behaviour.
Curiosity also applies to parents themselves. When a conversation does not go well, it can help to pause and reflect. Why did I react that way? What might I try differently next time?
This kind of reflection helps build stronger communication over time.
Focus on connection
Teenagers may seem more independent, but connection with trusted adults is still very important.
Being present and genuinely interested in what is happening in your young person’s world can help them feel safe opening up. This might be through small, everyday moments such as chatting in the car, walking the dog or sharing a meal.
The goal is not to have perfect conversations, but to create an environment where your young person feels heard and valued.
Move towards collaboration
When children are younger, parents naturally take on a strong leadership role to keep them safe and guide their decisions.
As young people move into their teenage years, they need more opportunities to practise making choices and navigating challenges. This means gradually shifting from directing to collaborating.
Working together to solve problems or think through decisions helps teenagers build confidence and independence. It also shows that you respect their views and trust them to play a role in shaping solutions.
Lead with compassion
Teenagers often face complex situations as they grow and develop. Responding with compassion can help them feel supported rather than criticised.
Compassion means acknowledging what your young person might be going through, listening to their perspective and helping them think about possible next steps.
Rather than rushing to fix the problem, the aim is to support them to find solutions that work for them and meet their needs.
Small changes can make a big difference
Talking to teenagers is not always easy, but small shifts in how we approach these conversations can have a powerful impact.
By practising self-compassion, staying curious, focusing on connection and working collaboratively, parents can help create a relationship where their young person feels understood, supported and able to open up.
And remember, there is no such thing as perfect parenting. What matters most is continuing to show up, listen and learn together.
