Ask Jigsaw: Mother comments on weight
Ask Jigsaw: Mother comments on weight
Thursday, 24 September 2020
I lost all my confidence due to the mean comments my mother makes about my weight. Is there any way I can make her stop making those comments? I know I have to lose some weight but she makes comments all the time. I have told her numerous times to stop but she won’t.
-una
Hi Una,
It’s not surprising that we absorb the comments that our parents make about us. If our parents make positive remarks, we tend to feel more confident, but if they are negative it can make us doubt our self-worth. I’m sorry that you have had to experience negative remarks from your mother about your body image.
Why make comments?
Sometimes, parents speak to young people about their weight to make sure that they are healthy and happy in their own body. Generally, this is because they want the best for their children. As young people grow up, they start to make their own decisions about their body and lifestyle. Parents can find it hard to allow their children to make those decisions, and continue to try and influence their actions.
Be direct
Remember that your weight is your decision. You don’t “have to lose some weight” unless it’s important to you. It could be helpful to have an honest and direct conversation about this.
Try to explain how you feel when your mother makes the comments. Share with her how you view your body shape and what you would find helpful from her. Assertive communication techniques could make the conversation more helpful than you’ve experienced before.
If you feel you won’t be listened to, try writing it down to allow your mother time to digest what you are saying.
Boundaries
It might help to write out some boundaries that you would like to set with your mother. For example; “if you make a negative remark about my body, I will leave the room”. In this way, your mother will know the consequence of her comment and it’s effect on you.
No one should have to put up with negative remarks about their body, and that includes those made by family.
Take care,
Linda
Jigsaw clinician
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