Ask Jigsaw: Afraid to tell friends I’m bisexual

Friday, 17 July 2020

I am bisexual and I’m afraid to tell any of my friends because no one keeps secrets anymore. Also, I think I like two people of opposite sex at the same time. The boy I’ve been in love w for like three years but the girl makes me feel fluttery. Problem is that the girl is manipulative and lies but I get along w her really easily and she is also bi and she just makes me feel excited. Also she has kissed me before but she was drunk and I tried to push her away but she kept going so I let it happen and I kind of regretted it but I keep thinking about her and that night and I’m just really confused. But the boy is like my dream guy. Anon.

Hi Anon,

It sounds like you are holding in a lot at the moment, thank you for sharing what is going on for you.

Victoria

Jigsaw Clinician

Perhaps start by talking in general about LGBT issues and gauging their responses

It can be really difficult when there is a part of you that you feel you can’t share with others. Sometimes people feel guilt, shame or confusion. We may find it hard to be true to ourselves but can worry about whether people will accept us if we are open about who we are. If you want to open up to your friends, perhaps start by talking in general about LGBT issues and gauging their responses.

BeLonG To Youth Service is the national organisation supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI+) young people in Ireland. They have some helpful advice and resources on their website. These include how to talk to friends and family about your sexuality. They also run a range of LGBTI+ youth groups all over the country. These might be good places to meet other young people who may have similar experiences. Ultimately, true friends will accept you for who you are without judging your choice of partner.

Consent and sex

It concerns me that the girl you mention continued to kiss you even though you tried to push her away. Consent is a really important part of any relationship, regardless of the gender of those involved or how drunk they were. Consent is required for any sexual activity, including kissing. You can read more about consent here. If you chose to continue to have a relationship/ friendship with the person involved, they need to know that sexual activity without consent is not ok. It might be a good idea to talk about what has happened with somebody you trust and think about if/how you would like to address this with the girl involved.

OK to experiment

It’s great that you are clear regarding your sexuality, however, when it comes to sexuality, sometimes people can be confused or uncertain as to who or what they like. In the recent MyWorld study, more adolescents described themselves as ‘questioning’, than as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Adolescence is a time where we figure out more about ourselves. We can feel under pressure to put labels on our sexuality and to figure out whether we are gay or straight or bi-sexual, but this isn’t always helpful. It is ok to take your time, experiment and learn more about your sexuality and identity.

Best wishes,

Victoria, Jigsaw Clinician