Ask Jigsaw: I can’t seem to feel happy

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

Hi there i suffered a missed miscarraige in 2016. I had a healthy baby girl june 2017. I struggled with stress and anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy.

I’ve tried to get back to feeling like the person i was before all tbese events but i cant. I cant seem to feel happy anymore and if i do i find myself just wondering when it will go wrong again. Im constantly wound up and feel tense even defencive all the time. I feel like sometimes there is a hand on my chest and throat and i cant breath.

Me and my boyfriend are constantly argueing and most of the time its down to me snapping at him or looking for an arguement. I find im always taking everything thats said to me as a smart comment or a personal attack.

I cant go to my g.p. cause its a man and i dont feel comfortable. Im so fed up of feeling like this and now i think i need some help. Im scared of ruining my relationship and my health. What are my options and do you think i have an issue? Thanks

-Elaine

Hi Elaine,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been through so much over the past few years. Losing a baby is a terrible experience and people deal with the grief and loss in different ways. It is not unusual to for women to experience worry during their pregnancy, and given the experience that you had, it is not surprising that you struggled with stress and anxiety.

Elaine

Jigsaw Clinician

We feel we ‘should’ be happy and when we’re not it can add to our feelings of stress or anxiety.

It sounds like now that you have had a healthy daughter that you are feeling under pressure to ‘be ok’. This pressure can come from those around us or it can be our internal thoughts. We feel we ‘should’ be happy and when we’re not it can add to our feelings of stress or anxiety.

When you are feeling wound up or experiencing the pressure on your chest and throat, some relaxation or breathing exercises might help you to cope in the moment. However, given that your anxiety is having such an impact on your relationship, it would be a good idea to consider getting some support to help you to find ways to cope. You can find out more about breathing exercises and managing anxiety here.

If you don’t feel comfortable with your GP, regardless of the reason, I wonder whether it would be possible to change GP or change surgery? I know this isn’t always easy, depending on where you live, but a good relationship with our GP can make accessing support a bit easier.

There are services that you can access which don’t need a referral from a GP. To find out what’s in your area, phone the ‘Your Mental Health’ information line on 1800 742 444. Alternatively, because your daughter is still young you could talk to your public health nurse. They can be a wealth of knowledge and information about supports available for the health of mothers as well as children. You can access your public health nurse via your local health centre. I hope you get the right support to help you start enjoying things again.

Take care,

Julie, Jigsaw Clinician