Ask Jigsaw: Family bereavement

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

1. I keep getting so angry and upset for the dumbest reasons (mostly because of disagreements with my mom) what do I do?

2. My dad died a few years ago and I keep crying because of it and some girls in my class made fun of me because of it and I really miss him but I don’t trust anyone enough to say anything what do I do?

3. I feel like I hate my mom because we don’t click what do I do?

– Amy.88345

Dear Amy.88345

Sounds like you’re dealing with a whole lot right now. Losing someone close to you is one of the hardest things to experience. Grief and loss can be so challenging to cope with, and it’s not uncommon to feel like our emotions are all over the place.

The way that we experience grief can come in waves or cycles. There can be points in time where the feelings are intense or painful, and others when we’re feeling okay. It is ok to cry about what has happened.

Fiona

Jigsaw Clinician

Sharing what’s going on for us, even when our emotions are unclear, can help to break down barriers and improve relationships.

Other people’s reactions

Unfortunately, other people may not know how to respond to those who have been bereaved, especially if it’s something they haven’t experienced before. This can make their reactions unhelpful or even hurtful. It is unfair for other people to make fun of you because you have expressed your emotions about such a difficult experience. I would encourage you to consider talking to a teacher about this situation so that you can get support in dealing with it.

Family conflict

Often, grief can look like anger or frustration, and we may lash out at those close to us. Although these reactions are totally understandable, it can result in an increase in conflict within the family. I wonder if this might relate to some of the challenges in your relationship with your mom?

Although it can feel scary and difficult, sharing what’s going on for us, even when our emotions are unclear, can help to break down barriers and improve relationships. Perhaps you could start by letting your mom know that you would like to have a better relationship with her, but are struggling with knowing where to begin. Using assertive communication is a good way to maintain respect while expressing your needs and opinions.

Reaching out

When we push down feelings and emotions, they can often bubble up and make things difficult. You have said that you don’t trust anyone enough to talk about what’s going on for you. However, talking can be the first step towards things getting better. Perhaps think about the different people in your life, teachers, relatives, parents of friends. Are there any that you could start to open up to a bit? Sometimes, it is helpful to look for support outside of our immediate circle. If you would like to talk to someone at Jigsaw, our live chat is available Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 1-5pm, and Tuesday and Thursday from 2-8pm.

Thank you for getting in touch, and take care.

Fiona, Jigsaw Clinician