How to help a child who is finding school difficult
How to help a child who is finding school difficult
Michelle O'Connor
Practical advice for parents on how to support a child who is struggling in school. Read how to prevent distress from developing into school refusal.
Some children find school difficult, and if it continues to be distressing, it could result in school refusal. This article discusses how to help your child who finds school difficult, before it leads to a larger issue.
School is designed for the masses, not the individual
The traditional education system is designed to cater for the average student, but many students don’t fit into this box. This could be due to them being neurodivergent or having a learning disability, or it could be because of their learning style.
As your child grows and develops, it’s important to make sure you check in with them regularly and get to know them. This way, you can understand what their own individual needs are, and advocate for them.
Common causes of difficulties in school
Class sizes can be overwhelming
In primary school, the size of the classroom could be difficult for a child who needs more support from a teacher, or who doesn’t enjoy big groups.
Homework can be stressful
After a long day at school, facing even more learning in the form of homework can be exhausting. If you’re noticing your child is struggling to keep on top of their homework, keep an eye on it.
Navigating friendships is challenging
Making and keeping friends is hard at any age, especially during adolescence when emotions run high and young people are developing mentally and physically. What might seem like a small disagreement to you could be a friendship-ruining fight for your child. Talk to your child often about their friends, ask how they’re doing and what they’re getting up to. This should help your child open up to you about fights as they happen.
Teachers can put pressure on
Some teachers have a style of teaching that doesn’t work with your child’s learning style. Sometimes, they can also assert their authority in a way that goes against what your child needs from an adult. In secondary school, navigating different teachers can be a lot, and even more if you throw personality clashes into the mix.
Switching between subjects requires a lot of brain power
Switching between subjects and classrooms at secondary school level can be tiring. Your child has to remember their timetable, their books, all their homework and normally has very little time between subjects to mentally adjust.
After school activities can be too much
Busy lives can lead to stress and if your child has a lot going on, something might have to give. If they’re doing the junior cert or leaving cert, studying for exams, keeping up with friends and doing a lot of sports or activities after school can be overwhelming. But, if their after school activities are the thing they enjoy most, it’s important to keep them up.
How to help your child who’s struggling with school
If you think your child needs help navigating anything to do with school, it’s time to have a chat with them. A little bit of pressure is okay but if they’re becoming distressed, it’s worthwhile checking in with them, and advocating for them with their school and teacher(s).
Remember to praise and encourage them for doing the things they enjoy; school isn’t everything. If they’re already feeling pressure to do well from their teachers, society and peers, don’t add to that pressure. Allow them to have fun, indulge in their hobbies and be young! Not every minute of their adolescence needs to be spent studying.
Listen to your young person
As mentioned in our article discussing school avoidance, when talking to your child about something challenging, it’s important to have the chat when you’re both calm.
Ground yourself before starting the chat: you need your child to understand you’re trying to help them, not fight with them. Leave your judgement at the door and make sure your child feels safe and comfortable speaking to you about things they’re finding tough.
Think about solutions to lessen their stress
Remember: your child doesn’t need a formal diagnosis for you to seek accommodations for them in school. Ask your child what they’d like and what they think they need to make school less difficult.
If they’re not able to think of things themselves, you could suggest things like speaking to their teacher about giving them less homework or taking more comfort breaks. If they’re having problems with friends, you could tell them about how you handle disagreements, set boundaries or apologise.
If your child is over-stretching with their subjects, think about dropping a subject or going from Higher to Ordinary or Foundation level. Doing as many subjects as possible at Higher Level is not the only way your child can get into college or gain a good career. Don’t feed into the pressure they already feel – there are alternative routes they can take.
Advocate for your child
No matter what age your child is, they will appreciate having an adult to back their corner, even if they don’t say it. It’s a good idea for them to learn the skills to communicate their needs but it’s not always the right time. And, not all schools will listen to their students.
So, step in where you need to and tell the school what your child needs, whether that is to drop a subject or level, to have a more flexible schedule, more bathroom breaks or less homework. Remember that traditional school environments aren’t for everyone, and maybe your child needs something different – and that’s totally okay.
Michelle O'Connor
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