Ask Jigsaw: Guilty for feeling sad

Friday, 16 October 2020

when I feel a negative feeling like anger, sadness or loneliness. I always feel so guilty and overall stupid for having those feelings because I know that I have had a pretty okay life compared to those who in the world who have suffered from so much pain and hurt that they didn’t deserve.

But I was just wondering is it normal to feel your feelings are not valid and unimportant? I just think I have always had some sort of just a numbness in my heart that I’ve just gotten used to, so any different feeling to that numb feeling is followed by guilt. I am grateful that I’m here everyday though. Just its something I think about all the time and I had to ask. Thank You

-chico093

Hi Chico093,

I can tell from your question that you are a very thoughtful, caring, self-aware person. Your question is actually something we hear a good bit at Jigsaw and something that many young people struggle with.

Kevin

Jigsaw clinician

Feeling guilty for experiencing anger, sadness or loneliness can often mean that we don’t express those emotions, which in turn can make us feel even worse.

In today’s world it can be all too easy to feel that our own problems are not that big of a deal. That we should just be grateful for everything we have and never feel unhappy, angry or lonely. We can think that if we feel bad then there has to be a reason.

Comparisons are unhelpful

The reality is, it is unhelpful to compare ourselves to other people in this way. Feelings can come and go and don’t always make sense to us. Feeling guilty for experiencing anger, sadness or loneliness can often mean that we don’t express those emotions, which in turn can make us feel even worse. Your feelings are your own and nobody gets to tell you which ones you should and shouldn’t feel.

Coping with feelings

I’m sorry that you are feeling numb a lot of the time. It sounds like maybe you are looking for ways to start to feel the full range of emotions again? You can find out more about dealing with sadness, ways to cope with loneliness, and managing anger.

It can sometimes be difficult to manage emotions on our own. It’s important to remember that support is out there. You can always come on to Jigsaw Live Chat and talk to a member of the Jigsaw Online team about what is going on for you. Either way Chico093, your feelings are important and it’s totally ok to feel them.

Take care,

Kevin

Jigsaw clinician