Ask Jigsaw: Dad hits me

Thursday, 12 November 2020

Hi, I’m 17 year old girl. So I’m not really sure what to do, my dad hits me when he’s mad at me.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember I think originally when I was 7/8. He’s not an alcoholic or a drug addict, just when he gets mad at me for Doing something wrong it often results in me being dragged across the room by my hair, held by the back of my neck, hit in the face/arm and sometimes kicked and very often shouted at. But seeing as I don’t always obtain physical injuries (bruises ect) Is this something I should be worried about?

I tried telling my school a few years ago but once I told them I was scared something would happen to my dad and I pretended everything was fine. The problem is I love him but sometimes he says and does stuff (hitting etc) that are really hurtful. Chatting to him won’t work, as he’s stuck in his ways and my mum is on his side. I don’t know what to do

-Abcde

Hi Abcde,

Thank you for sharing your story with Ask Jigsaw. The first thing to say is that what is happening to you is not ok. It is never acceptable for an adult to hit or kick a young person. The fact that you may not have physical injuries does not make it ok. What you describe would be considered physical abuse. It is also important to say that it is not your fault.

Jen

Jigsaw clinician

Tusla is the agency in Ireland who have responsibility to support families and keep young people safe. This can include supporting parents with things like parenting skills or managing their anger.

Getting support

I am sorry that you didn’t get the support you deserve when you spoke about this at school. The worry about what will happen can often be a barrier to young people talking about abuse. I hear that you love your dad and you don’t want him to get in trouble. However, it sounds like your dad could do with some support to help him manage his behaviour. It is not your responsibility to do this.

Tusla is the agency in Ireland who have responsibility to support families and keep young people safe. This can include supporting parents with things like parenting skills or managing their anger. You can find out more about how they can help here. You can phone them directly on 0818 776 315, Monday- Friday, 9-5 to talk through what’s going on.

If you feel that you are in danger at any point, please call 999/112.

Speaking to an adult

If you don’t feel ready or are worried about talking to Tusla, I would really encourage you to speak to an adult that you trust. For example another family member, teacher or a coach. Be honest with them about what is going on and how you feel. They should help you and your family to get the support you need. You do not need to deal with this on your own.

Abcde, you have shown courage in reaching out to Ask Jigsaw. I really hope you can use this strength to take the next step and talk to someone about what is going on.

Take care,

Jen

Jigsaw clincian