Ask Jigsaw: How do I stop caring what other people think?

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

How do I stop caring what other people think if it’s taking over my life and ruining things for me

-Ktxxxx

Hi Ktxxxx,

Most of us are concerned about what other people think of us to some extent or another at different times in our life. We want to feel accepted and that we belong and are liked for who we are.

Fiona

Jigsaw Clinician

If we act in a way that fits with our own values, even if other people don’t like or agree with it, we are more likely to be comfortable with our decisions.

The challenge is that we can never please everyone all of the time. For example, one friend might see us showing off at a party and think it’s funny, where as another friend might think it’s embarrassing. As we experience this more and more, we begin to base our decisions not on what other people think, but on what we think is important or right. If we act in a way that fits with our own values, even if other people don’t like or agree with it, we are more likely to be comfortable with our decisions.

Why do I care so much?

It can be helpful to consider why one particular person’s opinion is important to you? What difference will it make if they don’t have a good opinion of you? It is also worth checking whether you are ‘mind-reading’ and making assumptions about what other people think, without any actual evidence.

There is no quick solution to stop you from caring about what people think, but if possible I would suggest borrowing a book called ‘Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens’ from your local library. It provides some really practical suggestions to help people feel more confident in themselves.

Best wishes,

Fiona, Jigsaw Clinician