Ask Jigsaw: Best friend left me

Friday, 28 August 2020

What should I do if my best friend left me and I don’t have anyone else to talk to and at home I don’t feel good enough to talk to someone about it. School starts soon and I don’t want to have no friends.

-Hannah

Hi Hannah,

I’m sorry that you feel like you are on your own with no one to talk to. Friendships make us feel connected and understood. So when they end, it’s normal to feel lonely or sad. It’s hard to accept but we have no control over our friends’ actions, so if they end the friendship, we can feel helpless.

Jamie

Jigsaw clinician

Once we accept that we will have a number of different friends throughout our life, it can be easier to deal with a friendship that ends.

Understand why

Feeling like you’ve been “left” makes me wonder if the friendship ended abruptly, and if you fully understand why that is. If that’s the case, it could be useful to communicate openly with your friend about what happened. It can be easier to let go of a friendship if we understand why it came to an end.

Natural endings

It could also be the case that the friendship has come to a natural end and that’s okay too. Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, although there’s often a pressure for them to be “life-long”.

Our personalities change a lot as we grow up, so it’s normal for our friendships to change too. Once we accept that we will have a number of different friends throughout our life, it can be easier to deal with a friendship that ends.

Look for evidence

A lot of young people worry about not having friends and feeling lonely in school. If we have a bad experience with friends, we can begin to think negatively about ourselves and our self-esteem takes a knock.

A helpful way of overcoming that is by looking for evidence that challenges the way we think. For example, if we were able to make a friend before, we will be able to make a friend again.

Talk to someone

It sounds like you would like to speak to someone about what’s going on for you, but that you don’t feel good enough to. Everyone deserves support and that includes you.

When we are feeling low, the hardest thing to do is to reach out, but it’s also the most important thing. Speaking to someone before school starts, could help you to prepare for a new opportunity to make friends. You are welcome to come and talk to one of the Jigsaw Online team on our Live Chat if that would be helpful.

Take care, and the best of luck back at school,

Jamie