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Ask Jigsaw: My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

Ask Jigsaw: My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

Thursday, 16 July 2020

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago on impulse. Since then we have remained in contact and has told me he doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. He’s been telling mutual friends and his counsellor that he wants to get back together, however he hasn’t shown or said that to me. I don’t know if he just wants time alone for now. I don’t know what to think. I’m spiraling as the days go by.

-HappyFace

Hello HappyFace,

Relationships can be tricky to navigate, as they are made up of two people, however, we only have control over the actions and behaviours of one of those (ourselves). Yet the actions and behaviours of the other person can have such an influence on us. The uncertainty regarding your future together sounds very difficult and it sounds like you are waiting for your boyfriend to make decisions. Rather than focusing on what your boyfriend wants, perhaps you can take some time to think about what it is that you want. Although it might not be your choice to split up, you do have a say in what happens next in terms of whether you want to remain in contact or not.

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Meg
Jigsaw Clinician
You have many strengths and positive qualities, whether you are in a relationship or not.

A relationship ending is always a difficult experience, especially after such a long time and when it feels sudden. Allow yourself time to come to terms with your situation. You can find out more about ways to cope with a relationship break up here.

I hear you say you’re spiralling as the days go by. Try to be compassionate with yourself. Focus on doing the things that you need to do to feel good about yourself. You have many strengths and positive qualities, whether you are in a relationship or not. Remind yourself of these and try to be around people who appreciate you for who you are.

Also, speaking to someone you trust can help you to make sense of those spiralling thoughts.

I hope you can come to a resolution soon. Take care of yourself.

Meg, Jigsaw Clinician

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