Ask Jigsaw: Hurt by brother’s rejection

Ask Jigsaw: Hurt by brother’s rejection

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

I drunkenly told my brother I wanted to die and he responded with that I was an attention seeker and I would’ve just done it already if I wanted to. He expressed to my parents that he thinks they need to sort me out and I have no respect for anyone, as well as being an attention seeker.

I’ve tried to contact him to discuss our issues but he just insists everything is fine and superficial chit chat ensues. It hurts my parents to see us like this and I’m finding it hard not to lash out at the feelings of rejection I’ve felt since. I get upset and angry a lot because I feel extremely lonely a lot of the time.

I think my main fear is making any sort of mistake again and having everyone leave, this has really affected my trust and self worth. I think I tend to not Process things and bury them. Then this eventually erupts after a night of drinking and has awful effects. I guess I don’t know how to fix myself.

-Smcl96 *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hi there Smcl96,

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot, before and after the fallout, and that you haven’t got the support that you need and deserve. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about our mental health. When we do take that brave step, it can be devastating to be turned away. Your pain and feelings of rejection make sense.

Jigsaw Clinician
Your pain and feelings of rejection make sense.

As you’ve mentioned, you were drunk with your brother, and alcohol can have an impact on how things are construed. That does not mean that you deserve to be turned away when you tried to reach out again. When we have thoughts about taking our own life, they need to be taken seriously. I strongly urge you to speak to someone you trust, or to access some professional support. One option is Pieta House, who provide a free helpline for people experiencing suicidal distress.

Jigsaw Clinician
We all need to feel supported, particularly if we are going through a tough time.

It sounds like your brother has not heard or understood the full extent of the loneliness that you are feeling.  It’s impossible to guess the reason for this, and ultimately we cannot control other people’s behaviour towards us. We can control how we react and move forward. When conflicts arise with families, it can be pretty intense so it’s important to give each other space.

It could be useful to take this time to focus on yourself. When we keep everything inside, it can tip into angry outbursts all too easily, particularly when alcohol is involved. Is there anyone in your life that you trust to confide in at the moment? It might be useful to prepare yourself for a conversation like this.

Ultimately, we all need to feel supported, particularly if we are going through a tough time. I hope that your relationship with your brother improves but, it’s important to remember that support will always be there for you in other ways.

Take care,

Jason, Jigsaw Clinician

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