Ask Jigsaw: I miss my friend

Monday, 02 November 2020

I feel like I’m soo lost with how may life is going. I don’t really do anything. Everyday feels like nothing, with me doing the constant cycle of getting up going to school and home to my room.

I don’t have any friends except this one person I met online that live across the country from me over lockdown. We used to FaceTime every night for like 2 months(it was something I looked forward too every day)

But I don’t know if they want to talk to me now that lockdown is over as I feel like I’m annoying or they have other friends they’d rather talk to(he’s a very outgoing and has lots of friends ) as it’s been 3months since we talked properly and I don’t want to seem weird asking to call again as I’m scared we’d have nothing to talk about anymore and he’d think I’m stupid calling with nothing to say as my talking skills aren’t the best.

He helped me during a really lonely and dark place and he doesn’t even know that him just talking to me about random things helped and I miss it a lot

-Red

Hi Red,

Losing an important friendship can change how we feel about everything, even the things that we previously enjoyed.

Friendships are valuable regardless of whether they are online, or in person. You describe a real sense of joy from chatting to your friend. It sounds like you were both in very regular contact, which makes me believe that this friend valued your friendship too.

Linda

Jigsaw clinician

It’s a good idea to challenge these negative and unhelpful thoughts by asking “what’s the evidence” for that thought.

Imagining the worst

When communication with a friend changes, because of lockdown or whatever the reason is, it’s normal to try and guess why. If we are feeling low, this guessing can become quite negative.

We can start to imagine the worst reasons for lack of contact, like the person doesn’t like us anymore. Thinking like this can affect our sense of self-worth, and we can start to feel hopeless about the situation.

Challenging thoughts

It’s a good idea to challenge these negative and unhelpful thoughts by asking “what’s the evidence” for that thought. For example, what’s the evidence that your friend thinks you are “stupid” for wanting to continue chatting? Have you heard this directly from them? Starting a conversation with your friend is the best way of finding out the real reason for a change in your contact.

Friendship skills

It might feel like this friend is your only shot at friendship, but it definitely is not. You have the skills necessary to build strong friendships, because you made a friend in this person. Remember that you can use these skills again to make lots more friendships in the future.

All the best,

Linda

Jigsaw clinician.