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Ask Jigsaw: Never had a close relationship

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Hi

I’m 24 and my main problem is I’m very aware of the fact that I have never been in a close relationship with a girl in my life and I feel like I’m a real outlier in this regard. I’m very worried that I will never find someone and will always be alone. I became close to a few girls in college but they all rejected me just when I felt like things may be getting serious.

I still have strong feelings for one particular girl but am resigned to the fact that this will always be unrequited. I question myself daily as to why I was not good enough for this girl and this had led to me feeling very low at times. This has been going on for a number of years and I feel like my self-esteem has really taken a battering as a result.

During this time I have watched as nearly all the members of my close friend group have managed to find themselves in long-term relationships. I find it very hard to forgive myself for messing up my chances at relationships during college. I wonder a lot about “what might have been”. Would appreciate any words you would have to say about all this. Thank you.

–1995

Hi there 1995,

It makes sense that you feel you’re missing out by not having close relationships in the past. Through social media, tv and films we often get the message that in order to feel fulfilled and happy, we need to be in a romantic relationship. This is certainly not true.

Connections with friends, family, even pets and nature can be just as (and sometimes more!) fulfilling. You can read more about being single and feeling happy here.

Ask Jigsaw: Hurt by brother’s rejection

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

I drunkenly told my brother I wanted to die and he responded with that I was an attention seeker and I would’ve just done it already if I wanted to. He expressed to my parents that he thinks they need to sort me out and I have no respect for anyone, as well as being an attention seeker.

I’ve tried to contact him to discuss our issues but he just insists everything is fine and superficial chit chat ensues. It hurts my parents to see us like this and I’m finding it hard not to lash out at the feelings of rejection I’ve felt since. I get upset and angry a lot because I feel extremely lonely a lot of the time.

I think my main fear is making any sort of mistake again and having everyone leave, this has really affected my trust and self worth. I think I tend to not Process things and bury them. Then this eventually erupts after a night of drinking and has awful effects. I guess I don’t know how to fix myself.

-Smcl96 *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hi there Smcl96,

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot, before and after the fallout, and that you haven’t got the support that you need and deserve. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about our mental health. When we do take that brave step, it can be devastating to be turned away. Your pain and feelings of rejection make sense.

Time spent online

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Time spent online and social media are commonly viewed as the root causes of any problem that young people face.

For a lot of us, work and education is tied into a stable internet connection. Digital communication is more important than ever.

When we ask young people how long they spend online, they often refer to this amount as bad or negative. We’re all guilty of mindless scrolling at times, but does that make it bad?

In this article, you will find:

Dealing with change

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

We face many changes throughout our lives.

We might be finishing primary or secondary school, starting college, or getting a new job. Some of us decide to leave home or even move to a new country.

Change can occur within our families, such as separation, divorce, or the death of a family member. The world itself goes through many changes too. The political, environmental, and social environments are always in flux.

It can also be exciting, daunting, or exhausting. No matter what we feel about it, change is inevitable and can’t be avoided. When we’re finding it difficult, often the problem isn’t the change itself, but how we deal with it.

Ask Jigsaw: Moody and snappy at home

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

I often become very angry and sad at home, my parents normally give out to me to being moody or snappy but I don’t know why do it. I feel like I am being treated unfairly but when I look back on the situation I don’t know why I got so angry or what the problem was to begin with. Sometimes I blame it on hormones but I don’t know if it is something else instead. I was wondering if there was a way to stop getting angry and have a better relationship with my family?

Hello,

Emotions can be complicated things. Sometimes there is a really obvious reason for why we feel sad or angry. Sometimes it can feel like strong emotions erupt out of nowhere. Often when emotions seem to come from nowhere, it is due to a buildup of lots of small things over time that affect us.

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