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Category: Ask Jigsaw Q&A

Ask Jigsaw: Slagging affecting self-esteem

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Hi, to whom ever reads this message, I dont know really where to begin with my question, but what im trying to find out is really where to do i go from here…like a lot of people out there i suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem issues and a lack of understanding of what path i should take in life. Making new friends is a lot harder then i feel it needs to be.

The friends whom i’ve known from secondary school are never short of contradicting me for anything i really do or say about 70% of the time. i think sometimes that this would be just casual banter with friends especially around lads as its “in our nauture”. or maybe its a lot more toxic then i realise. I have been left believing some of the things that are told to me like im slow or stupid.

Im not short of giving a response back too as I think its only fair to give them a taste of their own medicine. I’d never initiate abuse to anyone unless its given to me as i do try to be as sound as possible. Its only when we are in groups really that i feel most of the humour is only generated by the slagging of each other and when that does happen I tend to go quite in a group, this is when i feel my anxiety kicks in.

Id like to say that if im around some of my individual friends, im lucky enough to be able to talk about other things that are going on in my life and they do listen most of the time. So in a way i do care for my friends cause there arent many people who you can talk like that too. there would be others in the group whom i could defenitly not talk to because of issues i think they suffer themselves, which i understand.

What im asking really is do you have any advice on how i boost my self-esteem from a scenario like this, as well as trying to handle my anxiety as i know i can never get rid of it. these seem to be the bane of my existance and i just want to be able to be an adult and handle these things better.

–Lorence.

Hi Lorence,

As you really nicely describe, navigating friendships can tricky, especially if we are dealing with challenges like anxiety and low self-esteem. It seems like you have come to realise that you don’t like some parts of your gang’s banter, particularly the slagging.

Ask Jigsaw: How can this be normal?

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

how can i know now, being unable to seek advice from my GP or any professionals due to the coronavirus outbreak, whats wrong with me?

last week it was like my mind was running at ten thousand miles per hour with no way of controling it. my thoughts would be going so fast at any given time that if i didnt write them down as soon as i have them id have forgetten them.

but now its like nothing. its like theres only ever one thing on my mind on repeat over and over again. its the feeling of emptiness and nothingness, the feeling that makes me think: this isnt living, i might as well be dead.

of course i thought the fact of self isolation and social distancing is probably the cause of this feeling but this is not the first time ive felt this way its just up until now ive been able to distract myself by the people i care about and their problems.

but now as a 15 old alone in my own head with my own thoughts ive been forced to confront these feelings and emotions and have come to the conclusion that this cannot be normal otherwise how have so many people NOT committed suicide you know?

-idek anymore *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hello idek anymore,

It sounds like you have been on a bit of a roller coaster recently, from thoughts racing to feeling numb. The fact that we don’t have access to all of the same supports and distractions as usual can certainly amplify the feelings and concerns that were already there.

Ask Jigsaw: Parents separated

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

My Mam and Dad separated recently and my Dad moved out. I am really angry with him for loads of different reasons. I have access with him on Saturday’s and its really awkward, we sit in McDonald’s and he asks really awkward questions about school and my Mam, I have told my Mam that I don’t want to go anymore and she says i have to go or else she will get in trouble with the court.

Its really getting to me because i think neither of them care about how i am feeling, they just care about the court and doing what they think they have to do, I done think anyone really cares about me and its getting me down

– Louise

Hi Louise,

When parents are separated it can bring up lots of emotions for people. We may feel relief, sadness, anger or fear about what will happen. It means change in terms of practical arrangements and often can have an impact on our relationships with parents.

Ask Jigsaw: I scratched myself what can I do?

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

I am anxious about the leaving I scratched myself what can I do? ( I tried get apt with local jigsaw device there are no apt’s til may)

– Lc220

Hi Lc220,

You are not alone in feeling anxious or worried about exams. The leaving cert year can be a really difficult one for many different reasons. The exams themselves are difficult, along with thoughts about the future. You can find out more about some strategies and ways to cope with Leaving Cert stress here.

Ask Jigsaw: I want to help my friend but I don’t know what to do

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

A close friend of mine is going through a very tough time at the moment and I dont know what to do. Her parents wont help her get support because they dont understand what shes going through. I want to help her but I dont know what to do. She is willing to try a chat anonymously but I dont know where to find any number, can you help?

-Bumblebee

Hello Bumblebee,

It sounds like you and your friend have a very close relationship, and it’s great that she trusts you enough to share her problems with you. As she has not told many others, particularly her parents, it might feel like there is pressure for you to support her on your own. There are lots of things that you can do to support your friend. However, you are right to suggest that your friend gets help from others. Dealing with this on your own could lead you to feel a little stressed yourself, so do make sure you are looking after your own mental health.

Ask Jigsaw: Scrolling for Coronavirus information

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

I am finding it really difficult to stop scrolling on my phone cos I need information about what’s going on. I want to take a break, but I don’t want to miss out on any updates. Plus I want to stay in touch with my friends, but that can be drama too. Some of them are freaking out and some just think the whole thing is a joke and are going out anyway. I don’t know whether to just turn my phone off altogether or how do I limit it?

-Starfish

Hello Starfish,

A lot of young people joining the Jigsaw online group chat are also noticing a change in what they’re seeing on their phone, and how it’s affecting them. There is a direct link between the time we spend online and our mental health.

Ask Jigsaw: How do I know if I have an eating disorder?

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

How do I know that I am developing an eating disorder and how should I explain it to my parents and therapist?

Hi there,

Noticing a change in our mental health can be a little frightening. It’s not unusual to seek a diagnosis for us to better understand what’s going on. If you have noticed a change in how you think about your body, or how you feel and/or act in relation to food, it’s important to explore this further. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have an eating disorder. Quite often, if we get the right support when we first notice these changes, we can prevent things from getting worse. In other cases, we might need to get a diagnosis to access a higher level of support. You can find out more about the development of eating disorders at Body Whys.

Ask Jigsaw: Never had a close relationship

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Hi

I’m 24 and my main problem is I’m very aware of the fact that I have never been in a close relationship with a girl in my life and I feel like I’m a real outlier in this regard. I’m very worried that I will never find someone and will always be alone. I became close to a few girls in college but they all rejected me just when I felt like things may be getting serious.

I still have strong feelings for one particular girl but am resigned to the fact that this will always be unrequited. I question myself daily as to why I was not good enough for this girl and this had led to me feeling very low at times. This has been going on for a number of years and I feel like my self-esteem has really taken a battering as a result.

During this time I have watched as nearly all the members of my close friend group have managed to find themselves in long-term relationships. I find it very hard to forgive myself for messing up my chances at relationships during college. I wonder a lot about “what might have been”. Would appreciate any words you would have to say about all this. Thank you.

–1995

Hi there 1995,

It makes sense that you feel you’re missing out by not having close relationships in the past. Through social media, tv and films we often get the message that in order to feel fulfilled and happy, we need to be in a romantic relationship. This is certainly not true.

Connections with friends, family, even pets and nature can be just as (and sometimes more!) fulfilling. You can read more about being single and feeling happy here.

Ask Jigsaw: Hurt by brother’s rejection

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

I drunkenly told my brother I wanted to die and he responded with that I was an attention seeker and I would’ve just done it already if I wanted to. He expressed to my parents that he thinks they need to sort me out and I have no respect for anyone, as well as being an attention seeker.

I’ve tried to contact him to discuss our issues but he just insists everything is fine and superficial chit chat ensues. It hurts my parents to see us like this and I’m finding it hard not to lash out at the feelings of rejection I’ve felt since. I get upset and angry a lot because I feel extremely lonely a lot of the time.

I think my main fear is making any sort of mistake again and having everyone leave, this has really affected my trust and self worth. I think I tend to not Process things and bury them. Then this eventually erupts after a night of drinking and has awful effects. I guess I don’t know how to fix myself.

-Smcl96 *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hi there Smcl96,

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot, before and after the fallout, and that you haven’t got the support that you need and deserve. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about our mental health. When we do take that brave step, it can be devastating to be turned away. Your pain and feelings of rejection make sense.

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