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Being anxious in social situations

Sometimes, being around people can be nerve-racking. Many of us experience anxiety in social situations.

Having to speak in public, or walking into a room of people you don’t know, or performing in front of a class can make the most confident person feel anxious.

Feeling very self-conscious in social situations is more common than you think. Many young people who come to Jigsaw tell us they can find being around classmates, strangers or even friends quite difficult. If this sounds familiar to you, know that it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here we’ll explore why you might feel that way and what you can do about it. In this article you will find:

 

How to start a difficult conversation

If a young person in your life seems to be having a tough time, trust your instinct something isn’t right.

There are plenty of signs to look out for that are good to know. If you want to start a difficult conversation but don’t know where to begin, you are not alone.

Many young people have missed out on a number of opportunities and milestones since the pandemic started. And there can be no question this can impact on everyone’s mood in the family unit.

When a young person is feeling down, stressed out or experiencing anxiety, they may become closed off or defensive. They can find it hard to talk about what is going on. In response to the pandemic and restrictions, they may not know or understand emotions they’re experiencing.

Some things can be challenging to communicate. However, whether able to open up or not, a young person will likely appreciate being offered the opportunity to talk. They will benefit from knowing someone is there to support them when they are ready to accept help.

Choose your time to start a conversation

Finding the right time is important to consider. You need an adequate amount of time available so neither of you feels pressure to reach a quick conclusion. It’s wise to choose a time when you are both free without something to rush off to.

The young person may have a deadline for homework or is distracted by a football game. In this case, it is unlikely they will want to talk. Remember, your priorities may not be the same.

A convenient time to talk may crop up naturally when you are both relaxed and doing something together. However, it may not be that easy to start a tough conversation.

You might have to deliberately make the time. Don’t try to be a mind reader on this. Let the young person know you’d like to spend some time with them and ask when suits them.

Anxiety and young people

Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling of fear or stress. It’s quite a common feeling we all experience at some stage.

Many young people accessing Jigsaw face-to-face services report feelings of anxiety as one of the things going on for them.

In this article, you will find:

How to tell when a young person is struggling

At Jigsaw, we know early intervention can make a huge difference to a young person’s mental health. Offering support early on can prevent a young person’s mood from deteriorating and possibly avert a crisis.

To act early, you need to know what to look out for. And how to tell if someone is beginning to struggle with their mental health.

Recognising signs

We have all had those moments where we recognise a young person not quite seeming themselves.

It might be something they say or do, or something they fail to do, that lets us know they may be struggling with their mental health. We all have our off days. It is important to acknowledge and to talk about this.

However, there are some changes in how a young person is acting, thinking or feeling that can be first signs they are struggling.

Ask Jigsaw: My daughter suffers from anxiety

My daughter suffers from anxiety, it often stops her from leaving the house and doing activities. She can become severely panicked and stressed if she has to start something new, or just visit a friends house. She loses sleep the night before, cries, hyperventilates and becomes extremely agitated.

For example, she asked to do a summer camp and she looked forward to it for weeks beforehand right up until the night before. Then the panic sat in, she focuses on the worst possibilities of what could happen. This then brings on a panic attack, sometimes we can calm her back down and she manages to go through with the activities but sometimes it overwhelming for her. She panicked so much for the summer camp that she ended up not going as she was too distressed.

I am very worried as she approaches her teenage years that this might only get worse. Do you think that she would benefit from talking to someone such as a counsellor to help with some coping mechanisms? Or what should we do for this?

-Zay

Hi Zay,

It can be really distressing when we see young people experiencing anxiety. Our natural instinct is often to protect them from experiencing it as much as possible. You are right to look at how to address your daughter’s anxiety now to try and prevent it from escalating.

Ask Jigsaw: Loss of confidence

I’ve always been an anxious person but over the past year I have noticed myself it has gotten worse due to certain experiences. I never had a lot of confidence in myself and this is showing a lot more now and family and friends have said it to me which makes me break down each time.

Over the past few number of months my confidence has declined hugely both as a person but also confidence with my body image as comments have been passed. The constant thoughts of ‘I’m worthless and useless’ run through my mind nearly everyday when I look at myself.

Since I was younger I always put on a brave face and always had a smile on my face just to meet the expectations and perceptions that people had of me, but I’ve come to a point now where I cannot physical do it anymore, it was all to please other people!

Overthinking is another thing my mind is constantly going at 100 miles an hour. I always wanted to make an appointment and to speak about this in person but every time I do talk about or even think about it I completely break down. I just want to try and fix this because it has affected relationships and aspects of life hugely as I am isolating myself from the people I love but unfortunately I just don’t know how so, it would be great if you could give me some advice and ways I could overcome this!
Thank you!

-Flower 21

It sounds like there’s been a lot going on under the surface and it’s become too much to keep in anymore. While it can be hard to hear from other people that they’ve noticed you don’t seem as confident, they must really care about you and want to see you feel more comfortable in yourself.