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Ask Jigsaw: I feel so lost right now

My Mam and Dad separated recently and my Dad moved out. I am really angry with him for loads of different reasons. I have access with him on Saturday’s and its really awkward , we sit in McDonald’s and he asks really awkward questions about school and my Mam, I have told my Mam that I don’t want to go anymore and she says i have to go or else she will get in trouble with the court.

Its really getting to me because i think neither of them care about how i am feeling, they just care about the court and doing what they think they have to do, I done think anyone really cares about me and its getting me down

-Louise

Hi Louise,

When parents are separated it can bring up lots of emotions for people. We may feel relief, sadness, anger or fear about what will happen.  It means change in terms of practical arrangements and often can have an impact on our relationships with parents.

Ask Jigsaw: I feel so lost right now

Ask Jigsaw: Need to talk

Hi! I am a 14 year old student in Ireland. I am feeling a bit lost at the moment… You see I have been to my school counsellor a few times and the last time I went (about 3 months ago) I was really happy that day and I think my school counsellor thinks I’m fine now but to be really honest I’m struggling… Like really struggling but I don’t really want to ask to go see her again because I’m really afraid. I really know though that I need to talk to someone but I don’t want to ask my parents to go to a therapist outside of school because I don’t want to worry them…. If you could give me some guidance or anything really I would be so grateful 

-Quirky23

Hi Quirky23,

First of all, well done for reaching out and talking to your school counsellor in the first place. It takes courage to seek help, particularly if you are feeling lost.

Ask Jigsaw: Need to talk

Ask Jigsaw: Feeling trapped with parents arguing

Hi,

I was just wondering if you have any advice of how to cope with feeling really trapped as a result of covid?

As usual, my parents are fighting non stop and I would normally just stay outside a lot longer or be with friends to avoid being at home and experiencing it, but now that I’m home all the time, I’ve been having to deal with it a lot more.

This has also often ended up with me getting in the middle of their conflict (often to side my mam) and then ending up arguing with my dad.

I just can’t help but feel hopeless as I wonder when things will be a bit normal, so that I don’t have to be at home all the time/ listen to them argue 24/7.

I can’t really talk to them about its impact on me as neither of them listen to anyone else’s views, apart from their own.

Anyway I don’t know if what I just said even makes sense but I’ve just been feeling really horrible recently and don’t know how to cope with it all, like it’s making me really dislike my parents (which I end up feeling guilty about- but that’s a whole different story).

Thanks 4 reading this and replying, if you do 🙂 x

– Lilah

Hi Lilah,

It makes total sense! Sounds like a lot of the challenges you were managing at home have become amplified due to COVID-19 restrictions. On top of that, some of your usual coping strategies aren’t available to you anymore. It’s important that you remember your parents’ fights are not your fault.

Ask Jigsaw: Feeling trapped with parents arguing

Ask Jigsaw: I feel that my mother hates me

My mother and I don’t get along. She has admitted to resenting me during one of our arguments. I feel like no matter what I do she gets upset. And even though sometimes it’s clear she’s at fault I blame myself for everything. I can’t help but feel she hates me. She puts so much pressure on me and I don’t know how to handle it. I have a feeling it might also be the fact that I am Bisexual as she has made some comments that have made me question if it’s OK to be who I am.

I’m usually okay because I have my friends to talk to you but since the virus its very hard to talk. I feel maybe she would be happier if I wasn’t here. I still think about something hurtful she said, even though it was a year ago. I feel like I’m being stupid and that I’m overreacting.

I try to talk to her but I’m shut down straight away. I also can’t cry in arguments because then I’m yelled at. And she’s always calling me a liar or saying I’m playing victim. I try to get along with her but I can’t take it anymore and maybe I’d be better off not here at all. I don’t know what to do and this is the only thing I could think of to go to. Any advice?

KM *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission.

Hello KM,

Family conflict can be very distressing and now with Covid 19, it can be all the more intense. It sounds like your mother has made some very hurtful remarks to you in the past, and her behaviour towards you can be aggressive. It makes sense that you are questioning your relationship now, and that you are avoiding confrontation. No one should be treated aggressively, or to be made feel like they don’t belong.

Ask Jigsaw: I feel that my mother hates me

Ask Jigsaw: Scared of being hurt again

I’ve never gotten along with my dad and he’s really hurt me in the past. Then he moved and now he’s calling me and being nice but he never apologised. I’m scared he’ll hurt me again and I want to forgive him I just don’t know how. What do you think I should do? Sorry to bother you with this i know it’s a hard time for everyone right now.

Anna

Hi Anna,

I’m glad that you got in touch because you deserve to be supported in this situation. Conflict with our parents can really affect us. From a young age, we learn to do what our parents tell us and we can feel a responsibility to do what they say. It’s understandable that you feel uncertain.

It’s our parents’ role to protect us from harm and to treat us with warmth and love. It is wrong, and in some cases illegal, for our parents to hurt us. It sounds like you’ve been hurt in the past. Whether that was physical or emotional, you are right to make sure you are protected from it happening again.

Ask Jigsaw: Scared of being hurt again

Ask Jigsaw: I need to talk

I just want someone to talk to, my mam is an alcoholic, she’s been to rehab and has now relapsed
-Josie

Hi Josie,
Thank you for reaching out. It is really tough when there is someone close to you who is struggling with addiction and so important to have someone to talk to about this. Here is some information about the impact of parents’ mental health which might help in knowing that you are not alone.

Ask Jigsaw: I need to talk

Ask Jigsaw: My father doesn’t want me to get counselling

I have been dealing with a few things and considered receiving help for them by the means of therapy or counselling, but when I brought it up to my father, I didn’t get the response I wanted and he questioned why I’d rather bring up my problems with a stranger rather than him.

am I selfish for not getting the response I want, and how should I reason with him, if I should at all? I feel as if Jigsaw could help a lot, but I don’t know how to explain it to him. I feel horrible about asking behind his back, but I feel as if it’s the only thing I can do. Feel free to ignore this, it’s not that important compared to anything else you receive.

And thank you for doing your job, in advance. For any Clinician who hopefully sees this, you save lives and mean a lot. It’s not much coming from someone with a letter for their username and words on a screen for their thoughts, but I hope it means something.

-J

Hi J,

Thank you for getting in touch, and for your lovely comments. It was brave of you to bring up how you have been feeling with your father and ask for help. I’m sorry you didn’t get the response you were hoping for.

Ask Jigsaw: My father doesn’t want me to get counselling

Ask Jigsaw: I’m a disappointment

I am such a disappointment to my parents, they are both really sporty and fit and while that’s great i don’t like sport at all and i don’t like the same things as them. They never want to do the things that i like, watching a movie, baking hanging out.

I know my mam thinks i am too fat, she is always asking me have i done my exercise today and i feel embarrassed.

I know my parents love me but i am not who they want me to be and am beginning to feel like i don’t belong and i am just not good enough for them.

-James

Hi James,

It sounds like your relationship with your parents feels quite challenging at the moment. Parents usually have a big influence on our lives growing up, but it is not unusual that as we get older we develop our own interests and tastes. This can sometimes be hard for parents to understand. It can lead to us feeling upset and misunderstood. It is great that you are trying to find some common ground with your parents, even though you have different interests. Perhaps you could explain to them that you would really like to spend time with them, and discuss whether there is a way to compromise, either finding something you all enjoy doing, or taking turns to choose an activity.

Ask Jigsaw: I’m a disappointment