School Refusal: Supporting a Young Person Facing School Difficulties

For many young people, school can be a mixed bag. Whether it’s the nuts and bolts of course work, exam pressure or social anxiety, bullying, or struggles with mental health, difficulties at school can lead to difficulties in getting your young person out the door in the morning.  

School refusal comes hand in hand with low self-esteem and distress and it can be tough to know how to help a young person who is unhappy in school.  

Understanding  

School refusal isn’t just about skipping classes or avoiding homework, it can be linked to issues such as anxiety or difficulties with learning. Some common signs include: 

  • Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, especially on school days 
  • Sudden changes in mood or behaviour 
  • Avoiding school-related conversations 
  • Increased anxiety or distress when discussing school 
  • Declining school performance. 

Recognising early signs can help you intervene in a supportive way. 

How to Support a Young Person 

  • Listen Without Judgment 

A young person struggling with school needs to feel heard and understood. Try to create a safe space where they can express their feelings without fear of being dismissed or criticised . Use open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me what’s been difficult for you at school?” to encourage conversation and try to get them to be specific. 

  • Acknowledge Their Feelings 

It’s important to validate their emotions rather than downplay them. Saying things like, “I can see this is really hard for you” or “That sounds really stressful” can help them feel understood and supported. It can be hard for a parent or guardian to put themselves in the shoes of a young person, it’s important to show compassion for your young person. 

  • Work Together to Find Solutions 

Once you understand their concerns, collaborate on possible solutions. This might include: 

  • Talking to a teacher or school counsellor 
  • Exploring alternative learning options 
  • Setting small, achievable goals to help them re-engage with school 
  • Adjusting expectations to ease pressure. 
  • Encourage Healthy Routines 

A regular sleep schedule, balanced diet, and physical activity can help manage stress and anxiety. Encourage them to take breaks, get outside, and engage in activities they enjoy. 

Know When to Seek Help 

It can sometimes feel that we need to have all the answers for our children, but even on our best days we can’t do everything. Speak to the school and other parents who may be able to offer advice.  

If school difficulties are linked to mental health concerns, consider reaching out for additional support. Engage with your young persons school to find out what supports are available for them.  

Remember there is help out there- if you young person is struggling with their mental health, consider contacting their GP or Jigsaw. 

Moving Forward 

Supporting a young person through school difficulties takes time, patience, and understanding. Keep communication open, reassure them that they’re not alone, and remind them that with the right support, things can improve. 

Problems at school

Everyone has a different experience of school.

Most students go through some ups and downs throughout the year. Experiencing problems at school is not unusual for many young people.

When difficulties get on top of us, it can be like a domino effect. One domino falls over and all the rest seem to pile up. It’s OK to have mixed feelings about school, as everyone has their good days and bad days. Whether you’re having problems with schoolwork, friends, or fitting in, you are not alone.

Some common problems in school and solutions:

Goal setting

We are often asked about our ‘goals in life’ when it comes to careers or discussions about the future. ‘Squad goals’ or ‘couple goals’ appear in many Instagram posts, but what does this really mean? Are personal goals something we want to be, or want to have?

In this article, you will find help to set and achieve your goals:

 

How to stop stressing about exams

It’s not unusual to feel a bit stressed as it comes up to exam time. This can be a good thing sometimes as it motivates us to study. 

For some of us though, exam stress can really interfere with our day-to-day lives and hinder work and concentration levels.

Covid-19 brought about many changes for everyone. Students, in particular, were heavily impacted by the closure of schools and colleges, and this hasn’t helped the last few years.

A parent’s guide to Leaving Cert stress

It’s a nail-biting time watching your young person prepare for the Leaving Cert. In 2021, students were given the choice between sitting the exam, receiving an accredited grade, or both. Approximately 58% of students chose to sit the exam in some capacity.

2022 sees the Leaving Cert return to a more traditional format, while incorporating more choice for students. This document has the adjusted assessment arrangements for taking state exams in the 2021/22 school year. These adjustments are designed to take account of the disrupted learning experienced by students during the pandemic.

We asked Jigsaw clinicians how they support and advise parents and young people finding it hard to cope with Leaving Cert stress. They suggested the following strategies and tips to support your young person and cheer them up. They also advised how to keep yourself and your home calm during these challenging times.

Studying at home

Uncertainty around exams and missing out on experiences has left many young people feeling frustrated. Many students can find themselves procrastinating or losing sight of their end goals.

Take comfort in knowing that learning how to self-direct your study is a skill for life.

Below, find a helpful conversation between Evelyn O’Rourke from RTÉ Radio 1 Drive Time’s Study Hub and Jen Trzeciak, eMental Health Manager at Jigsaw, about ways for students to stay motivated to study in a time of uncertainty around exams and school.

Here are some more strategies to help you stay motivated when studying from home: