After not clicking with people in first year, Jess, Jigsaw Volunteer talks to Conor, Jigsaw Clinician about heading back to college and being worried about making friends all over again.
Conor explains that when we have had bad experiences with friendships, picking ourselves back up it can be challenging. We might be feeling rejected, or a bit hopeless about meeting new people.
Eimear, Jigsaw volunteer, asks for advice about how to start a conversation in a new situation, for example when starting a new course.
Jigsaw works with many young people who go to a class, society meetings or football training and still feel lonely. This is because they find it really hard to talk to someone. So they’re going, but not connecting. That can be really hard and there’s not a simple fix.
When we’ve gone through difficult experiences like being bullied, or have had negative relationships, we can start to believe unhelpful things. We can start to believe “no one would want to speak to me” or “I’m not good enough for people to talk to”.
Hey, not sure if this is relevant so please feel free to ignore if there are better questions.
How do you know when you’re ‘bad enough’? I know that everyone says no problem is too small, but I can’t help but feel that if I seek help somewhere that I’d be taking the spot away from someone else who is more in need.
Over the past year, I’ve gotten super obsessed with counting my calories; restricting and then ‘binging’ (not really large amounts of food, just more than I think I should be eating) as a result, occasionally using other methods like appetite suppressants and laxatives to compensate. However, I don’t think that it’s serious as I’m not under weight or over weight yet, so I don’t think I have an eating disorder?
Not sure what I should do, I’d really appreciate an insight, as the new year is making me feel like there’s more I should be doing to be skinnier etc.
Thank you so much x
-Sershxo
Hi Sershxo,
Many people who have come to Jigsaw have worried that their problem isn’t ‘bad enough’ or that others need or deserve the support more. It is very difficult to compare problems, as there are usually so many different factors at play, including the issue or issues, the coping resources someone has, what is going on around them etc. Rather than thinking about other people who may access a service, it is more helpful to think about your own needs.
We all learn about ourselves and how to get through life in different ways.
Talking to a family member, a friend or a health professional can help. Sometimes it can also be useful to find out for ourselves by reading a book.
In this video, Alice, a Jigsaw volunteer, asks Sinéad, a Jigsaw clinician what causes stress and what you can do about managing it.
Alice, Jigsaw Youth Advisory Panel member and Sinead, Jigsaw Clinician talk about the effects of stress and how to support a friend who is stressed.
Breaking up with someone is never easy. Making a decision to move on is sad even if it’s something you both want.
If one of you wants to break up and the other doesn’t, it gets even more complicated.
However, if your relationship is abusive, emotionally or physically, you should end it. No matter how much you care about each other, ending an abusive relationship is always the right thing to do.
It doesn’t matter how long it lasted, or how serious the relationship was. It’s about what it meant to you. How you felt about that person and how the relationship actually ended will all impact how you react to it.
There is no right or wrong way to feel. Every relationship is different. Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel whatever is going on for you.
My grandad recently passed away and i have been dealing with this horribly. Because of Covid-19 and the fact that we live in 2 different countries and that the borders are closed, i wasnt able to attend his funeral nor am i able to see my grandmother.
i dont sleep for 2 nights and then pass out for 15 hours because i cant bear to sleep, i feel as though everything has been dulled down and numb. this is bringing up a lot of sadness that ive been bottling up since 2nd year (im in 5th year now) and ive gotten so unstable.
yesterday my paints got mixed up and im pretty sure i had a mild panic attack. over paint. are there any healthy cpoing mechanisms or maybe a way of closure?
i just miss him, whenever we visited he used to tell us weird little jokes in our native language and take us to the corner store to get us gigantic ice creams in cones. i just miss him and it hurts so much, im too scared to think of him because i hate crying and making people worry about me which then leads to them trying to fix me which never works. i just dont know what to do anymore.
-Brick
Hi there Brick,
I’m sorry that you’re going through such a loss in what’s already a difficult time. Attending the funeral of a loved one can be a very important part of the grieving process. It gives us the chance to share fond memories, and to support one another in our grief. It makes sense that missing your Grandad’s funeral has made it difficult to process his death.
Having a routine is good for our wellbeing. It creates structure in our week and gives us a sense of purpose. Routine also makes it easier to do the things that are important to us.
With schools and colleges closed, work situations changing, and physical distancing, many people are struggling with daily life feeling quite different.
We can use routine as a way to support our mental health at this time.
The Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic has led to a situation where we have to be mindful about our health and wellbeing.
As we return to schools, colleges and workplaces, we are being told how to keep safe, recognise symptoms and respond if we become ill. If you do notice worrying symptoms, follow the HSE advice: phone the GP to make sure you are OK and discuss what care you might need. However, many of us are feeling increased anxiety about our health which is not helpful.
Although things are starting to return to normal, many of us are still unable to take part in our pre-covid routines. We may have lost previous coping strategies or fallen into unhelpful habits during the period of lockdown. The current situation can increase worry about our own health, and that of others. This stress in itself can impact our physical health. For this reason, we must do our best to manage stress.
