For many young people, school can be a mixed bag. Whether it’s the nuts and bolts of course work, exam pressure or social anxiety, bullying, or struggles with mental health, difficulties at school can lead to difficulties in getting your young person out the door in the morning.
School refusal comes hand in hand with low self-esteem and distress and it can be tough to know how to help a young person who is unhappy in school.
Understanding
School refusal isn’t just about skipping classes or avoiding homework, it can be linked to issues such as anxiety or difficulties with learning. Some common signs include:
- Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, especially on school days
- Sudden changes in mood or behaviour
- Avoiding school-related conversations
- Increased anxiety or distress when discussing school
- Declining school performance.
Recognising early signs can help you intervene in a supportive way.
How to Support a Young Person
- Listen Without Judgment
A young person struggling with school needs to feel heard and understood. Try to create a safe space where they can express their feelings without fear of being dismissed or criticised . Use open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me what’s been difficult for you at school?” to encourage conversation and try to get them to be specific.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings
It’s important to validate their emotions rather than downplay them. Saying things like, “I can see this is really hard for you” or “That sounds really stressful” can help them feel understood and supported. It can be hard for a parent or guardian to put themselves in the shoes of a young person, it’s important to show compassion for your young person.
- Work Together to Find Solutions
Once you understand their concerns, collaborate on possible solutions. This might include:
- Talking to a teacher or school counsellor
- Exploring alternative learning options
- Setting small, achievable goals to help them re-engage with school
- Adjusting expectations to ease pressure.
- Encourage Healthy Routines
A regular sleep schedule, balanced diet, and physical activity can help manage stress and anxiety. Encourage them to take breaks, get outside, and engage in activities they enjoy.
Know When to Seek Help
It can sometimes feel that we need to have all the answers for our children, but even on our best days we can’t do everything. Speak to the school and other parents who may be able to offer advice.
If school difficulties are linked to mental health concerns, consider reaching out for additional support. Engage with your young persons school to find out what supports are available for them.
Remember there is help out there- if you young person is struggling with their mental health, consider contacting their GP or Jigsaw.
Moving Forward
Supporting a young person through school difficulties takes time, patience, and understanding. Keep communication open, reassure them that they’re not alone, and remind them that with the right support, things can improve.
