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Category: Asking for help

How to start a difficult conversation

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

If a young person in your life seems to be having a tough time, trust your instinct something isn’t right.

There are plenty of signs to look out for that are good to know. If you want to start a difficult conversation but don’t know where to begin, you are not alone.

Many young people have missed out on a number of opportunities and milestones since the pandemic started. And there can be no question this can impact on everyone’s mood in the family unit.

When a young person is feeling down, stressed out or experiencing anxiety, they may become closed off or defensive. They can find it hard to talk about what is going on. In response to the pandemic and restrictions, they may not know or understand emotions they’re experiencing.

Some things can be challenging to communicate. However, whether able to open up or not, a young person will likely appreciate being offered the opportunity to talk. They will benefit from knowing someone is there to support them when they are ready to accept help.

Choose your time to start a conversation

Finding the right time is important to consider. You need an adequate amount of time available so neither of you feels pressure to reach a quick conclusion. It’s wise to choose a time when you are both free without something to rush off to.

The young person may have a deadline for homework or is distracted by a football game. In this case, it is unlikely they will want to talk. Remember, your priorities may not be the same.

A convenient time to talk may crop up naturally when you are both relaxed and doing something together. However, it may not be that easy to start a tough conversation.

You might have to deliberately make the time. Don’t try to be a mind reader on this. Let the young person know you’d like to spend some time with them and ask when suits them.

Jonathan’s aunt on how Jigsaw helped him

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Jonathan* is a teenager who was referred to Jigsaw by his GP. Below, Jonathan’s aunt talks about how Jigsaw helped him deal with anxious thoughts and find ways to look after his mental health.

Jonathan’s mother was drinking, and from time to time in hospital with her mental health. His dad was the stable parent in the relationship, but we lost him after a tragic accident. His mother couldn’t help her addiction to alcohol, so she was open to me fostering Jonathan. He came to live with me at the age of seven and his first few years were great, but as he got to puberty things started to slide. It broke my heart when his friends stopped knocking and he started isolating himself.

He’s a really intelligent young fella and likes reading. After our first big conversation about how he was feeling, he left one of his books, The Fault in Our Stars, on the hall landing with a note that said, ‘Read the first page’. He was trying to tell me something, but he hadn’t the words. I knew that something was not right.

One day I got a series of texts from him in school. I could tell that he was anxious. When I collected him that day, he got distressed and spieled off all the things that were upsetting him. I like to take action, so we visited my doctor who referred Jonathan to Jigsaw.

Supporting youth mental health

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

1. Listen

When communicating with a young person, it’s important to listen. This sounds obvious, but it can be difficult not to jump in and offer your point of view.

Listening more than you talk is a good starting point. Being a good listener takes skill and a lot of effort. It doesn’t necessarily come naturally.

2. Give

Give young people time. It’s critical to really give young people time and attention if you want them to experience you as a good listener. We have all, at one time or other, tried to say something important to someone who was not really listening.

They may give this away by fidgeting, looking at something over our shoulder, checking their watch, or interrupting us. Can you recall how this made you feel?

It likely wasn’t a particularly pleasant feeling. You probably didn’t really feel listened to, understood or even important at that moment. If you’re not in a position to listen attentively to a young person, tell them and try choosing a better time for it.

3. Don’t judge

One of the reasons young people might not open up is due to fear of being judged. Convey to the young person in your life you’re not here to judge them, but simply to listen.

Assure them no matter what they say, you will still care and be there for them. You are not going to think any less of them, regardless.

Separating a person’s behaviour from the person themselves can help manage our tendency towards judgement. Another trap we can fall into is jumping to conclusions. Once we do this, we stop listening, rather than truly hearing what the young person is saying.

4. Normalise

Young people can often feel embarrassed or ashamed about their struggles. They often feel very alone, as if they are the only one experiencing these challenges. By normalising a young person’s feelings, you can reassure them.

Make sure you really listen to what is going on for that young person, and ask how they feel about it. Let them know that they are not alone.

Social media, self-esteem and young people

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Increasing reports of the negative impact of social media on young people’s self-esteem cannot be ignored, but are they true?

A number of popular social media platforms with different functions are now used by young people in Ireland. We are connected more than ever before and that connectivity causes concern for some parents.

Young people’s use of technology

Technology, as they say, is neutral, these are really tools to enable communication and entertainment.

The evidence to support the negative impact on young people’s mental health seems to come in thick and fast. Though there is plenty of evidence to say the contrary.

Social media allows people to connect with like-minded people, no matter where they are. This can be of great comfort and an outlet for young people. It can also allow a platform for self-expression.

Unfortunately, it has also become a place where young people can continuously compare themselves against a benchmark. Some young people can get caught in the trap of gaining their self-worth from a numbers game of likes, shares and follows.

 

Screen time and young people

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

The term ‘screen time’ gets bandied about quite a bit. When the phrase is linked with young people, reports are often negative.

Recently with restrictions due to the pandemic, it is likely that screen time has increased across the board. However, the term itself is quite misleading as not all screen time is equal.

The media often covers studies linking teen depression and screen time, or young people’s use of social media and anxiety.

However, recent studies have challenged the way these studies were conducted. Researchers from the University of Oxford have stated that the use of phones, tablets and laptops is no worse for teenagers’ mental health than eating more potatoes.

That’s not to underestimate concerns you may have if there are huge fights about turning the Wi-Fi off. Being on the receiving end of grunts from behind a phone day in, day out can cause a lot of frustration for parents.

In this article you will find:

How to tell when a young person is struggling

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

At Jigsaw, we know early intervention can make a huge difference to a young person’s mental health. Offering support early on can prevent a young person’s mood from deteriorating and possibly avert a crisis.

To act early, you need to know what to look out for. And how to tell if someone is beginning to struggle with their mental health.

Recognising signs

We have all had those moments where we recognise a young person not quite seeming themselves.

It might be something they say or do, or something they fail to do, that lets us know they may be struggling with their mental health. We all have our off days. It is important to acknowledge and to talk about this.

However, there are some changes in how a young person is acting, thinking or feeling that can be first signs they are struggling.

What does One Good Adult mean?

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

Launched in 2019, Jigsaw and UCD’s My World Survey 2 asked young people if there was a special adult in their lives. This was an adult they could turn to when they were in need.

76% of young people had at least one adult they could talk to when they needed support. Having this person in their lives was linked to better overall mental health.

What difference does One Good Adult make?

Young people who reported having one good adult tended to have:

  • Increased self-esteem
  • More success in school life
  • Better mental health
  • More likely to seek help
  • Less risk taking behaviours.

Not having One Good Adult was linked to higher levels of distress, anti-social behaviour and increased risk for suicidal behaviour. One Good Adults are crucial to helping young people do well and to flourish.

Ask Jigsaw: My daughter suffers from anxiety

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

My daughter suffers from anxiety, it often stops her from leaving the house and doing activities. She can become severely panicked and stressed if she has to start something new, or just visit a friends house. She loses sleep the night before, cries, hyperventilates and becomes extremely agitated.

For example, she asked to do a summer camp and she looked forward to it for weeks beforehand right up until the night before. Then the panic sat in, she focuses on the worst possibilities of what could happen. This then brings on a panic attack, sometimes we can calm her back down and she manages to go through with the activities but sometimes it overwhelming for her. She panicked so much for the summer camp that she ended up not going as she was too distressed.

I am very worried as she approaches her teenage years that this might only get worse. Do you think that she would benefit from talking to someone such as a counsellor to help with some coping mechanisms? Or what should we do for this?

-Zay

Hi Zay,

It can be really distressing when we see young people experiencing anxiety. Our natural instinct is often to protect them from experiencing it as much as possible. You are right to look at how to address your daughter’s anxiety now to try and prevent it from escalating.

Acessing Jigsaw services for my young person

Posted on by Eve Donnelly

A parent or guardian of a young person aged between 12 to 25 can access a Jigsaw service through a number of ways.

You can access a Jigsaw service by calling or emailing your local Jigsaw service yourself. If your young person is under 18, Jigsaw requires your consent. If they are over 18 years-old they do not need consent.

Check here for contact details for each of the different Jigsaw services.

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