How do I stop caring what other people think if it’s taking over my life and ruining things for me
-Ktxxxx
Hi Ktxxxx,
Most of us are concerned about what other people think of us to some extent or another at different times in our life. We want to feel accepted and that we belong and are liked for who we are.
Hi, I’m 15 years old and I’m in 3rd year. Last year I told my best friend whenever I felt suicidal. My parents said that I’d leaned too heavily on my best friend that she couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t allowed to speak to her anymore, I never actually got to speak to her after that. She started telling people why we weren’t friends anymore.
I had a horrendous year trying to make new friends. I fell out with some and kept others. Now I have a group of friends who I love. But it doesn’t feel the same. I’m still going thro the pain of loosing her. Is there anything anyone can do to help? I just need advice. I want to talk to her one last time. To get closer. Please help if you can!
–Anonymous *Please note his question has been edited in length from the original submission
Hi there,
It can be really difficult when we fall out with a close friend, particularly if we feel that there have been misunderstandings or things that have been left unsaid. Within every situation that results in friends falling out, there are at least two perspectives on what has happened. Naturally, we tend to focus on our own perspective. The pain of losing a friend and how it felt for us. We try to make sense of what happened in a way that fits with our own narrative.
It can be difficult to do, but if we can suspend our own version of events and try and view it from the other person’s perspective, without trying to argue our side it can help to give us a bit of insight into why they may be behaving in the way that they are. Understanding can help, even if we don’t agree with or condone it.
Do you think if i killed myself people would remember me because i feel like I’m not the kinda person to be dwelled, School is getting harder and harder and sometimes it feels like i cant breathe with the persure being put on me, Sorry for bothering you with my problems feel free to ignore x
-Emma
Hi Emma,
Thank you for getting in touch and talking about these difficult feelings. It sounds like things are really tough for you at the moment.
I would urge you to get support, and there are a number of options. First of all, think if there is an adult in your life who you could talk to about these feelings. It could be a family member, teacher or any one you trust. If it’s hard to say things out loud, you could show them this message and let them know that it is you.
I have a suspicion that I have a serious mental health problem and I really want to talk to a professional but I don’t want my parents or anyone else to know, what should I do?
Hi there,
It sounds like you might have noticed a change in your mental health, which has led you to believe that you have a serious problem. Many people think that having good mental health is about having no problems at all.
Actually, our mental health changes all the time, depending on what happens to us, and how we feel about ourselves. It’s really important to notice a change, as you have, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a serious mental health problem.
How do I accept to love myself when I hate everything about me and want to change everything about me and feel I ruin everything I just want to be normal. Anon1.
Hi Anon1,
I’m sorry to hear that nothing feels right for you at the moment. Sometimes, it can feel like everyone else is doing well, and we are the only one struggling.
Because of exams i get stressed and because i cant exactly control what marks i get i sometimes turn to food as a thing i can control. everytime i eat something i think is this going to make me fatter or i should run to burn off what ive eaten or i dont need to eat this today. ive never properly restricted myself or looked properly at a scales everyday because im scared that i would get too obsessed so its just a battle everyday to eat and not think about what its doing to me. sorry this probably isnt a big deal but i just thought id say it x
-Louise
Hi Louise,
Many of us want to feel that we have a sense of control in our lives. Hence, when important things in our life can be affected by the actions of other people or events it can create feelings of anxiety, worry and stress. It sounds like in order to cope with the stress, you have started to focus on food and eating habits. I can hear in your question that you are worried about this, and probably recognise that this focus is not healthy.
I am such a disappointment to my parents, they are both really sporty and fit and while that’s great i don’t like sport at all and i don’t like the same things as them. They never want to do the things that i like, watching a movie, baking hanging out.
I know my mam thinks i am too fat, she is always asking me have i done my exercise today and i feel embarrassed.
I know my parents love me but i am not who they want me to be and am beginning to feel like i don’t belong and i am just not good enough for them.
-James
Hi James,
It sounds like your relationship with your parents feels quite challenging at the moment. Parents usually have a big influence on our lives growing up, but it is not unusual that as we get older we develop our own interests and tastes. This can sometimes be hard for parents to understand. It can lead to us feeling upset and misunderstood. It is great that you are trying to find some common ground with your parents, even though you have different interests. Perhaps you could explain to them that you would really like to spend time with them, and discuss whether there is a way to compromise, either finding something you all enjoy doing, or taking turns to choose an activity.
Near the end of school last year I fell out with my friends, well one of them but then the rest took their side.
I have had little to no contact with them over the summer. I’ve tried to reach out to some in the group but nothing which is making me angry as well as depressed.
Hi there,
It’s really tough when you fall out with friends, particularly over the summer when often people don’t see each other as much as when they are in school. The lack of contact can lead us to feeling very alone and isolated.
sleeping is almost impossible. the thought of sleep scares me when i go to bed at night. i wonder how long will it take tonight before going to bed. i sometimes get anxious if i will be able to sleep at night
i also wake up sometimes in the middle of the night sometimes even up to three times. it makes me very tired at school and very hard to focus it also makes me so grumpy and puts me in a bad mood
it takes more than 30 minutes to fall asleep and sometimes when im up and cant sleep i say i will give myself 2 hours, but then i start to panic after a while when i cant sleep
– ?
Hi ? ,
There is lots of information available about how much sleep we ‘should’ get, depending on our age and activity levels. If we feel we are not reaching these levels, it can become a source of concern, thereby keeping us awake and adding to the problem! It can feel like sleeping is impossible.
Hi, to whom ever reads this message, I dont know really where to begin with my question, but what im trying to find out is really where to do i go from here…like a lot of people out there i suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem issues and a lack of understanding of what path i should take in life. Making new friends is a lot harder then i feel it needs to be.
The friends whom i’ve known from secondary school are never short of contradicting me for anything i really do or say about 70% of the time. i think sometimes that this would be just casual banter with friends especially around lads as its “in our nauture”. or maybe its a lot more toxic then i realise. I have been left believing some of the things that are told to me like im slow or stupid.
Im not short of giving a response back too as I think its only fair to give them a taste of their own medicine. I’d never initiate abuse to anyone unless its given to me as i do try to be as sound as possible. Its only when we are in groups really that i feel most of the humour is only generated by the slagging of each other and when that does happen I tend to go quite in a group, this is when i feel my anxiety kicks in.
Id like to say that if im around some of my individual friends, im lucky enough to be able to talk about other things that are going on in my life and they do listen most of the time. So in a way i do care for my friends cause there arent many people who you can talk like that too. there would be others in the group whom i could defenitly not talk to because of issues i think they suffer themselves, which i understand.
What im asking really is do you have any advice on how i boost my self-esteem from a scenario like this, as well as trying to handle my anxiety as i know i can never get rid of it. these seem to be the bane of my existance and i just want to be able to be an adult and handle these things better.
–Lorence.
Hi Lorence,
As you really nicely describe, navigating friendships can tricky, especially if we are dealing with challenges like anxiety and low self-esteem. It seems like you have come to realise that you don’t like some parts of your gang’s banter, particularly the slagging.
