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Category: Relationships

Ask Jigsaw: Afraid to tell friends I’m bisexual

Posted on by eve

I am bisexual and I’m afraid to tell any of my friends because no one keeps secrets anymore. Also, I think I like two people of opposite sex at the same time. The boy I’ve been in love w for like three years but the girl makes me feel fluttery. Problem is that the girl is manipulative and lies but I get along w her really easily and she is also bi and she just makes me feel excited. Also she has kissed me before but she was drunk and I tried to push her away but she kept going so I let it happen and I kind of regretted it but I keep thinking about her and that night and I’m just really confused. But the boy is like my dream guy. Anon. 

 

Hi Anon,

It sounds like you are holding in a lot at the moment, thank you for sharing what is going on for you.

Ask Jigsaw: My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

Posted on by eve

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago on impulse. Since then we have remained in contact and has told me he doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. He’s been telling mutual friends and his counsellor that he wants to get back together, however he hasn’t shown or said that to me. I don’t know if he just wants time alone for now. I don’t know what to think. I’m spiraling as the days go by.

-HappyFace

Hello HappyFace,

Relationships can be tricky to navigate, as they are made up of two people, however, we only have control over the actions and behaviours of one of those (ourselves). Yet the actions and behaviours of the other person can have such an influence on us. The uncertainty regarding your future together sounds very difficult and it sounds like you are waiting for your boyfriend to make decisions. Rather than focusing on what your boyfriend wants, perhaps you can take some time to think about what it is that you want. Although it might not be your choice to split up, you do have a say in what happens next in terms of whether you want to remain in contact or not.

Ask Jigsaw: Getting obsessed about food

Posted on by eve

Because of exams i get stressed and because i cant exactly control what marks i get i sometimes turn to food as a thing i can control. everytime i eat something i think is this going to make me fatter or i should run to burn off what ive eaten or i dont need to eat this today. ive never properly restricted myself or looked properly at a scales everyday because im scared that i would get too obsessed so its just a battle everyday to eat and not think about what its doing to me. sorry this probably isnt a big deal but i just thought id say it x

-Louise

Hi Louise,

Many of us want to feel that we have a sense of control in our lives. Hence, when important things in our life can be affected by the actions of other people or events it can create feelings of anxiety, worry and stress. It sounds like in order to cope with the stress, you have started to focus on food and eating habits. I can hear in your question that you are worried about this, and probably recognise that this focus is not healthy.

Ask Jigsaw: I’m a disappointment

Posted on by eve

I am such a disappointment to my parents, they are both really sporty and fit and while that’s great i don’t like sport at all and i don’t like the same things as them. They never want to do the things that i like, watching a movie, baking hanging out.

I know my mam thinks i am too fat, she is always asking me have i done my exercise today and i feel embarrassed.

I know my parents love me but i am not who they want me to be and am beginning to feel like i don’t belong and i am just not good enough for them.

-James

Hi James,

It sounds like your relationship with your parents feels quite challenging at the moment. Parents usually have a big influence on our lives growing up, but it is not unusual that as we get older we develop our own interests and tastes. This can sometimes be hard for parents to understand. It can lead to us feeling upset and misunderstood. It is great that you are trying to find some common ground with your parents, even though you have different interests. Perhaps you could explain to them that you would really like to spend time with them, and discuss whether there is a way to compromise, either finding something you all enjoy doing, or taking turns to choose an activity.

Ask Jigsaw: Fell out with a friend

Posted on by eve

Near the end of school last year I fell out with my friends, well one of them but then the rest took their side.

I have had little to no contact with them over the summer. I’ve tried to reach out to some in the group but nothing which is making me angry as well as depressed.

Hi there,

It’s really tough when you fall out with friends, particularly over the summer when often people don’t see each other as much as when they are in school. The lack of contact can lead us to feeling very alone and isolated.

Ask Jigsaw: Slagging affecting self-esteem

Posted on by eve

Hi, to whom ever reads this message, I dont know really where to begin with my question, but what im trying to find out is really where to do i go from here…like a lot of people out there i suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem issues and a lack of understanding of what path i should take in life. Making new friends is a lot harder then i feel it needs to be.

The friends whom i’ve known from secondary school are never short of contradicting me for anything i really do or say about 70% of the time. i think sometimes that this would be just casual banter with friends especially around lads as its “in our nauture”. or maybe its a lot more toxic then i realise. I have been left believing some of the things that are told to me like im slow or stupid.

Im not short of giving a response back too as I think its only fair to give them a taste of their own medicine. I’d never initiate abuse to anyone unless its given to me as i do try to be as sound as possible. Its only when we are in groups really that i feel most of the humour is only generated by the slagging of each other and when that does happen I tend to go quite in a group, this is when i feel my anxiety kicks in.

Id like to say that if im around some of my individual friends, im lucky enough to be able to talk about other things that are going on in my life and they do listen most of the time. So in a way i do care for my friends cause there arent many people who you can talk like that too. there would be others in the group whom i could defenitly not talk to because of issues i think they suffer themselves, which i understand.

What im asking really is do you have any advice on how i boost my self-esteem from a scenario like this, as well as trying to handle my anxiety as i know i can never get rid of it. these seem to be the bane of my existance and i just want to be able to be an adult and handle these things better.

–Lorence.

Hi Lorence,

As you really nicely describe, navigating friendships can tricky, especially if we are dealing with challenges like anxiety and low self-esteem. It seems like you have come to realise that you don’t like some parts of your gang’s banter, particularly the slagging.

My One Good Adult

Posted on by eve

In Jigsaw and UCD’s My World Survey in 2012, young people were asked if there was a special adult in their lives they could turn to when they were in need.

71% of young people had at least one adult they could talk to when they needed support. Here we asked Jigsaw Youth Advisory Panel volunteers who their One Good Adult was. Who is your one good adult?

Assertive communication

Posted on by eve

Assertive communication means expressing ourselves in a direct, open and honest way that is respectful of other people.

It is about communicating our needs to another person and working towards ‘win-win’ solutions to avoid confrontation.

Imagine a seesaw where passive communication is on one side and aggressiveness on the other. Assertiveness is the neutral, level middle ground.

Ask Jigsaw: Parents separated

Posted on by eve

My Mam and Dad separated recently and my Dad moved out. I am really angry with him for loads of different reasons. I have access with him on Saturday’s and its really awkward, we sit in McDonald’s and he asks really awkward questions about school and my Mam, I have told my Mam that I don’t want to go anymore and she says i have to go or else she will get in trouble with the court.

Its really getting to me because i think neither of them care about how i am feeling, they just care about the court and doing what they think they have to do, I done think anyone really cares about me and its getting me down

– Louise

Hi Louise,

When parents are separated it can bring up lots of emotions for people. We may feel relief, sadness, anger or fear about what will happen. It means change in terms of practical arrangements and often can have an impact on our relationships with parents.