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Month: July 2020

Ask Jigsaw: My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

Posted on by eve

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago on impulse. Since then we have remained in contact and has told me he doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. He’s been telling mutual friends and his counsellor that he wants to get back together, however he hasn’t shown or said that to me. I don’t know if he just wants time alone for now. I don’t know what to think. I’m spiraling as the days go by.

-HappyFace

Hello HappyFace,

Relationships can be tricky to navigate, as they are made up of two people, however, we only have control over the actions and behaviours of one of those (ourselves). Yet the actions and behaviours of the other person can have such an influence on us. The uncertainty regarding your future together sounds very difficult and it sounds like you are waiting for your boyfriend to make decisions. Rather than focusing on what your boyfriend wants, perhaps you can take some time to think about what it is that you want. Although it might not be your choice to split up, you do have a say in what happens next in terms of whether you want to remain in contact or not.

Ask Jigsaw: Fear of failure

Posted on by eve

Do you have any info as to where a 25 year old male could get advice about finding a job? His anxiety and depression means he has never succesfully held down a job.

Fear of failure stops him from giving anything a fair go but not having a job adds to his sense of worthlessness. He says he would like to find a foolproof job that he couldnt make a mistake at. He is in cork area.

-Alfie

Hi Alfie,

It sounds like your friend is stuck in a bit of a negative cycle. He doesn’t believe he can be successful in a job. This worry or fear then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ask Jigsaw: My father doesn’t want me to get counselling

Posted on by eve

I have been dealing with a few things and considered receiving help for them by the means of therapy or counselling, but when I brought it up to my father, I didn’t get the response I wanted and he questioned why I’d rather bring up my problems with a stranger rather than him.

am I selfish for not getting the response I want, and how should I reason with him, if I should at all? I feel as if Jigsaw could help a lot, but I don’t know how to explain it to him. I feel horrible about asking behind his back, but I feel as if it’s the only thing I can do. Feel free to ignore this, it’s not that important compared to anything else you receive.

And thank you for doing your job, in advance. For any Clinician who hopefully sees this, you save lives and mean a lot. It’s not much coming from someone with a letter for their username and words on a screen for their thoughts, but I hope it means something.

-J

Hi J,

Thank you for getting in touch, and for your lovely comments. It was brave of you to bring up how you have been feeling with your father and ask for help. I’m sorry you didn’t get the response you were hoping for.

Ask Jigsaw: What is counselling?

Posted on by eve

What is counselling?

– Jojo

Hi Jojo,

We hear the term ‘counselling’ used a lot, and in reality it can mean different things to different people. The Cambridge Dictionary defines counselling as ‘the job or process of listening to someone and giving them advice about their problems’.  Probably most of us do this with our friends, although we would not necessarily say we are counsellors.

Ask Jigsaw: Hate living but don’t want to die

Posted on by eve

I smoke a lot of weed to take away the feeling of life. I hate living but don’t want to die how can I change this?

Hi,

Thank you for your honesty in this question. It sounds like you feel very stuck and unhappy with the way things are for you at the moment. It is not unusual when people feel like this that they use substances such as drugs or alcohol to try to take away or numb the feelings. Although it can seem that this helps in the short term, often it adds to the overall problem, as cannabis can have a depressant effect. It can decrease our motivation to make changes that are needed. If you want support specifically around reducing your weed intake, you can find information and a list of services at http://www.drugs.ie/

Ask Jigsaw: How do I stop caring what other people think?

Posted on by eve

How do I stop caring what other people think if it’s taking over my life and ruining things for me

-Ktxxxx

Hi Ktxxxx,

Most of us are concerned about what other people think of us to some extent or another at different times in our life. We want to feel accepted and that we belong and are liked for who we are.

Ask Jigsaw: Pain of losing a friend

Posted on by eve

Hi, I’m 15 years old and I’m in 3rd year. Last year I told my best friend whenever I felt suicidal. My parents said that I’d leaned too heavily on my best friend that she couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t allowed to speak to her anymore, I never actually got to speak to her after that. She started telling people why we weren’t friends anymore.

 I had a horrendous year trying to make new friends. I fell out with some and kept others. Now I have a group of friends who I love. But it doesn’t feel the same. I’m still going thro the pain of loosing her. Is there anything anyone can do to help? I just need advice. I want to talk to her one last time. To get closer. Please help if you can!

–Anonymous *Please note his question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hi there,

It can be really difficult when we fall out with a close friend, particularly if we feel that there have been misunderstandings or things that have been left unsaid. Within every situation that results in friends falling out, there are at least two perspectives on what has happened. Naturally, we tend to focus on our own perspective.  The pain of losing a friend and how it felt for us. We try to make sense of what happened in a way that fits with our own narrative.

It can be difficult to do, but if we can suspend our own version of events and try and view it from the other person’s perspective, without trying to argue our side it can help to give us a bit of insight into why they may be behaving in the way that they are. Understanding can help, even if we don’t agree with or condone it.

Ask Jigsaw: Would people remember me?

Posted on by eve

Do you think if i killed myself people would remember me because i feel like I’m not the kinda person to be dwelled, School is getting harder and harder and sometimes it feels like i cant breathe with the persure being put on me, Sorry for bothering you with my problems feel free to ignore x

-Emma

Hi Emma,

Thank you for getting in touch and talking about these difficult feelings. It sounds like things are really tough for you at the moment.

I would urge you to get support, and there are a number of options. First of all, think if there is an adult in your life who you could talk to about these feelings. It could be a family member, teacher or any one you trust. If it’s hard to say things out loud, you could show them this message and let them know that it is you.

Ask Jigsaw: I want to talk to a professional

Posted on by eve

I have a suspicion that I have a serious mental health problem and I really want to talk to a professional but I don’t want my parents or anyone else to know, what should I do?

Hi there,

It sounds like you might have noticed a change in your mental health, which has led you to believe that you have a serious problem. Many people think that having good mental health is about having no problems at all.

Actually, our mental health changes all the time, depending on what happens to us, and how we feel about ourselves. It’s really important to notice a change, as you have, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a serious mental health problem.

Ask Jigsaw: I ruin everything

Posted on by eve

How do I accept to love myself when I hate everything about me and want to change everything about me and feel I ruin everything I just want to be normal. Anon1.

Hi Anon1,

I’m sorry to hear that nothing feels right for you at the moment. Sometimes, it can feel like everyone else is doing well, and we are the only one struggling.