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Month: July 2020

Ask Jigsaw: Getting obsessed about food

Posted on by eve

Because of exams i get stressed and because i cant exactly control what marks i get i sometimes turn to food as a thing i can control. everytime i eat something i think is this going to make me fatter or i should run to burn off what ive eaten or i dont need to eat this today. ive never properly restricted myself or looked properly at a scales everyday because im scared that i would get too obsessed so its just a battle everyday to eat and not think about what its doing to me. sorry this probably isnt a big deal but i just thought id say it x

-Louise

Hi Louise,

Many of us want to feel that we have a sense of control in our lives. Hence, when important things in our life can be affected by the actions of other people or events it can create feelings of anxiety, worry and stress. It sounds like in order to cope with the stress, you have started to focus on food and eating habits. I can hear in your question that you are worried about this, and probably recognise that this focus is not healthy.

Ask Jigsaw: I’m a disappointment

Posted on by eve

I am such a disappointment to my parents, they are both really sporty and fit and while that’s great i don’t like sport at all and i don’t like the same things as them. They never want to do the things that i like, watching a movie, baking hanging out.

I know my mam thinks i am too fat, she is always asking me have i done my exercise today and i feel embarrassed.

I know my parents love me but i am not who they want me to be and am beginning to feel like i don’t belong and i am just not good enough for them.

-James

Hi James,

It sounds like your relationship with your parents feels quite challenging at the moment. Parents usually have a big influence on our lives growing up, but it is not unusual that as we get older we develop our own interests and tastes. This can sometimes be hard for parents to understand. It can lead to us feeling upset and misunderstood. It is great that you are trying to find some common ground with your parents, even though you have different interests. Perhaps you could explain to them that you would really like to spend time with them, and discuss whether there is a way to compromise, either finding something you all enjoy doing, or taking turns to choose an activity.

Ask Jigsaw: Fell out with a friend

Posted on by eve

Near the end of school last year I fell out with my friends, well one of them but then the rest took their side.

I have had little to no contact with them over the summer. I’ve tried to reach out to some in the group but nothing which is making me angry as well as depressed.

Hi there,

It’s really tough when you fall out with friends, particularly over the summer when often people don’t see each other as much as when they are in school. The lack of contact can lead us to feeling very alone and isolated.

Ask Jigsaw: Sleeping is almost impossible

Posted on by eve

sleeping is almost impossible. the thought of sleep scares me when i go to bed at night. i wonder how long will it take tonight before going to bed. i sometimes get anxious if i will be able to sleep at night

i also wake up sometimes in the middle of the night sometimes even up to three times. it makes me very tired at school and very hard to focus it also makes me so grumpy and puts me in a bad mood

it takes more than 30 minutes to fall asleep and sometimes when im up and cant sleep i say i will give myself 2 hours, but then i start to panic after a while when i cant sleep

– ?

Hi ? ,

There is lots of information available about how much sleep we ‘should’ get, depending on our age and activity levels. If we feel we are not reaching these levels, it can become a source of concern, thereby keeping us awake and adding to the problem! It can feel like sleeping is impossible.

Ask Jigsaw: Slagging affecting self-esteem

Posted on by eve

Hi, to whom ever reads this message, I dont know really where to begin with my question, but what im trying to find out is really where to do i go from here…like a lot of people out there i suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem issues and a lack of understanding of what path i should take in life. Making new friends is a lot harder then i feel it needs to be.

The friends whom i’ve known from secondary school are never short of contradicting me for anything i really do or say about 70% of the time. i think sometimes that this would be just casual banter with friends especially around lads as its “in our nauture”. or maybe its a lot more toxic then i realise. I have been left believing some of the things that are told to me like im slow or stupid.

Im not short of giving a response back too as I think its only fair to give them a taste of their own medicine. I’d never initiate abuse to anyone unless its given to me as i do try to be as sound as possible. Its only when we are in groups really that i feel most of the humour is only generated by the slagging of each other and when that does happen I tend to go quite in a group, this is when i feel my anxiety kicks in.

Id like to say that if im around some of my individual friends, im lucky enough to be able to talk about other things that are going on in my life and they do listen most of the time. So in a way i do care for my friends cause there arent many people who you can talk like that too. there would be others in the group whom i could defenitly not talk to because of issues i think they suffer themselves, which i understand.

What im asking really is do you have any advice on how i boost my self-esteem from a scenario like this, as well as trying to handle my anxiety as i know i can never get rid of it. these seem to be the bane of my existance and i just want to be able to be an adult and handle these things better.

–Lorence.

Hi Lorence,

As you really nicely describe, navigating friendships can tricky, especially if we are dealing with challenges like anxiety and low self-esteem. It seems like you have come to realise that you don’t like some parts of your gang’s banter, particularly the slagging.

Ask Jigsaw: Anxiety has been affecting my eating habits

Posted on by eve

Do you have advice for a young adult struggling with anxiety? I’ve recently been falling into fits of anxiety several times a day that have had a huge impact on my health. It had started out small with being anxious about being in a new town/home. The anxiety only grew with each passing day; they went from quick spells to hours of feeling tense and scared.

Now every noise or small bump sends my heart racing when im feeling anxious. Its gotten to the point where I pace around the house making sure that the noise I heard was nothing dangerous. I also feel as tho the anxiety has been severely damaging my eating habits and health. When I’m anxious I cant bring myself to eat because my stomach becomes severely upset. When its bad I cant even keep water or crackers in my stomach. Iv tried every remedy for an upset stomach; tums, crackers, club soda, ginger but nothing seems to work when my anxiety spikes. I’ve been coping with this for months, being sick and throwing up at least once a week.

I’ve been to a doctor about it fearing it to be something more, however ive been told by multiple doctors that the effects I’m experiencing are caused by stress (nothing they can do for that). Im not sure how much longer I can handle everything my anxiety and stress is doing to me. If there is any advice you can spare, I need to hear it. Thanks

-C

Hi C,

It sounds like your anxiety and stress are causing significant difficulties for you. There are many physical impacts of anxiety, and some people do experience stomach pain and upset.  The physical signs of anxiety are usually really uncomfortable and upsetting, and it can be easy to focus on managing these and trying to reduce the discomfort. While this can provide some relief in the short term, it doesn’t address the underlying things that are contributing to the anxiety and stress.

Eva’s story: How Jigsaw services helped

Posted on by eve

Eva talks about what led her to contact Jigsaw and what the experience of getting one-on-one support from a Jigsaw Clinician was like for her.

Eva’s story

I was going through bit of a rough time. I was thinking that I was going to have to talk to someone about all of the things that were happening for me. So I googled Jigsaw and looked at the website and read the stories as well. I did wonder, is this really going to help me? Is this genuine? I just wasn’t sure what the service is about.

One day my rough times escalated … It was the month before my exams. I was in the library and I was so down that couldn’t focus at all. I was thinking, if this is going to continue, I will mess up my exams. I was constantly thinking about my worries and it wasn’t doing me any good. That’s why I decided to make a move and talk to someone.

Ask Jigsaw: How can this be normal?

Posted on by eve

how can i know now, being unable to seek advice from my GP or any professionals due to the coronavirus outbreak, whats wrong with me?

last week it was like my mind was running at ten thousand miles per hour with no way of controling it. my thoughts would be going so fast at any given time that if i didnt write them down as soon as i have them id have forgetten them.

but now its like nothing. its like theres only ever one thing on my mind on repeat over and over again. its the feeling of emptiness and nothingness, the feeling that makes me think: this isnt living, i might as well be dead.

of course i thought the fact of self isolation and social distancing is probably the cause of this feeling but this is not the first time ive felt this way its just up until now ive been able to distract myself by the people i care about and their problems.

but now as a 15 old alone in my own head with my own thoughts ive been forced to confront these feelings and emotions and have come to the conclusion that this cannot be normal otherwise how have so many people NOT committed suicide you know?

-idek anymore *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hello idek anymore,

It sounds like you have been on a bit of a roller coaster recently, from thoughts racing to feeling numb. The fact that we don’t have access to all of the same supports and distractions as usual can certainly amplify the feelings and concerns that were already there.

Ask Jigsaw: Parents separated

Posted on by eve

My Mam and Dad separated recently and my Dad moved out. I am really angry with him for loads of different reasons. I have access with him on Saturday’s and its really awkward, we sit in McDonald’s and he asks really awkward questions about school and my Mam, I have told my Mam that I don’t want to go anymore and she says i have to go or else she will get in trouble with the court.

Its really getting to me because i think neither of them care about how i am feeling, they just care about the court and doing what they think they have to do, I done think anyone really cares about me and its getting me down

– Louise

Hi Louise,

When parents are separated it can bring up lots of emotions for people. We may feel relief, sadness, anger or fear about what will happen. It means change in terms of practical arrangements and often can have an impact on our relationships with parents.