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Author: eve

Ask Jigsaw: I miss my ex and want him back

Posted on by eve

I have recently been through I rough breakup. My ex boyfriend got mad at me because I went on a night out without him. He broke up with me over text while I was out that night. He ruined my night and when I tried to ring him he wouldn’t answer me. My ex has often said hurtful things to me before, such as belittling my job towards his and saying how much more money he makes than me.

We argued like any other couple, nothing too reoccurring and not too often. After trying again and again to talk to him after that night out he won’t talk or reply to me. I respect his decision if he doesn’t want to be with me but I feel as though the least he could do if he truly cared about me was just give me and explanation as to why he did what he did.

I wouldn’t call our relationship abusive but he was controlling to a certain extent; getting mad at me for going to concerts / nights out without him, talking to his friends when we both were around them and if I talked to any other boys . I know my worth and I know how he treated me is not on but I can’t help but miss him and want him back. At the minute he is the only person I want to talk to and I genuinely don’t know what to do.

-EvC123

Hi there EvC123,

Breaking up with someone can be a really complicated and emotional time. It sounds like you are reflecting a lot on whether returning to this relationship would be a good thing for you to do. You might feel lonely on your own, particularly when you are used to being able to speak to your ex. It takes courage to seek help from someone new, so thank you for using this space.

Ask Jigsaw: Preparing for the future

Posted on by eve

How do I face a future I cannot predict? What can I do to prepare for a future I may never be ready for? What are important skills for independent living? What can I do now, during this pandemic to prepare for the future? How do I make myself believe in things that are common sense, but yet I somehow refuse to accept?

-Beepbeepimasheep

Hi Beepbeepimasheep,

During times of unprecedented change, it’s not surprising to ask ourselves important questions as you have. It can be useful to ask questions about the future, so that we can feel prepared for what’s to come. However, the only certainty about the future is that it is uncertain, regardless of whether Covid-19 happened or not. It’s understandable if this makes us feel anxious, but giving ourselves the permission to accept this can be very calming.

Ask Jigsaw: I feel that my mother hates me

Posted on by eve

My mother and I don’t get along. She has admitted to resenting me during one of our arguments. I feel like no matter what I do she gets upset. And even though sometimes it’s clear she’s at fault I blame myself for everything. I can’t help but feel she hates me. She puts so much pressure on me and I don’t know how to handle it. I have a feeling it might also be the fact that I am Bisexual as she has made some comments that have made me question if it’s OK to be who I am.

I’m usually okay because I have my friends to talk to you but since the virus its very hard to talk. I feel maybe she would be happier if I wasn’t here. I still think about something hurtful she said, even though it was a year ago. I feel like I’m being stupid and that I’m overreacting.

I try to talk to her but I’m shut down straight away. I also can’t cry in arguments because then I’m yelled at. And she’s always calling me a liar or saying I’m playing victim. I try to get along with her but I can’t take it anymore and maybe I’d be better off not here at all. I don’t know what to do and this is the only thing I could think of to go to. Any advice?

KM *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission.

Hello KM,

Family conflict can be very distressing and now with Covid 19, it can be all the more intense. It sounds like your mother has made some very hurtful remarks to you in the past, and her behaviour towards you can be aggressive. It makes sense that you are questioning your relationship now, and that you are avoiding confrontation. No one should be treated aggressively, or to be made feel like they don’t belong.

Ask Jigsaw: Scared of being hurt again

Posted on by eve

I’ve never gotten along with my dad and he’s really hurt me in the past. Then he moved and now he’s calling me and being nice but he never apologised. I’m scared he’ll hurt me again and I want to forgive him I just don’t know how. What do you think I should do? Sorry to bother you with this i know it’s a hard time for everyone right now.

Anna

Hi Anna,

I’m glad that you got in touch because you deserve to be supported in this situation. Conflict with our parents can really affect us. From a young age, we learn to do what our parents tell us and we can feel a responsibility to do what they say. It’s understandable that you feel uncertain.

It’s our parents’ role to protect us from harm and to treat us with warmth and love. It is wrong, and in some cases illegal, for our parents to hurt us. It sounds like you’ve been hurt in the past. Whether that was physical or emotional, you are right to make sure you are protected from it happening again.

Ask Jigsaw: Don’t want to stress parents

Posted on by eve

I feel like if I talk about my problems right now it’ll stress my parents out, and that maybe I’m just over reacting. What should I do?

-Xeron

Hi Xeron,

It’s not unusual to feel apprehensive about speaking to family about the difficulties we’re facing. There are lots of reasons why we might retreat inwards and hold all our feelings to ourselves. We can feel like we are protecting ourselves from the judgement of others. Maybe we feel guilty about causing worry, or we want to be able to handle it alone. It takes courage to recognise that we all need support sometimes and we can’t face all our challenges alone.

Ask Jigsaw: Afraid to tell friends I’m bisexual

Posted on by eve

I am bisexual and I’m afraid to tell any of my friends because no one keeps secrets anymore. Also, I think I like two people of opposite sex at the same time. The boy I’ve been in love w for like three years but the girl makes me feel fluttery. Problem is that the girl is manipulative and lies but I get along w her really easily and she is also bi and she just makes me feel excited. Also she has kissed me before but she was drunk and I tried to push her away but she kept going so I let it happen and I kind of regretted it but I keep thinking about her and that night and I’m just really confused. But the boy is like my dream guy. Anon. 

 

Hi Anon,

It sounds like you are holding in a lot at the moment, thank you for sharing what is going on for you.

Ask Jigsaw: I need to talk

Posted on by eve

I just want someone to talk to, my mam is an alcoholic, she’s been to rehab and has now relapsed
-Josie

Hi Josie,
Thank you for reaching out. It is really tough when there is someone close to you who is struggling with addiction and so important to have someone to talk to about this. Here is some information about the impact of parents’ mental health which might help in knowing that you are not alone.

Friendships and mental health

Posted on by eve

Friends are a big part of our everyday lives. Having good friends can greatly increase our overall sense of wellbeing.

What is friendship?

There are different kinds of friendships. A good friend can make all the difference if you’re going through a rough time. Some friendships are supportive and others are about hanging out, banter and not so much sharing how you’re feeling. That’s OK.

Ask Jigsaw: My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

Posted on by eve

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago on impulse. Since then we have remained in contact and has told me he doesn’t know if we’ll get back together. He’s been telling mutual friends and his counsellor that he wants to get back together, however he hasn’t shown or said that to me. I don’t know if he just wants time alone for now. I don’t know what to think. I’m spiraling as the days go by.

-HappyFace

Hello HappyFace,

Relationships can be tricky to navigate, as they are made up of two people, however, we only have control over the actions and behaviours of one of those (ourselves). Yet the actions and behaviours of the other person can have such an influence on us. The uncertainty regarding your future together sounds very difficult and it sounds like you are waiting for your boyfriend to make decisions. Rather than focusing on what your boyfriend wants, perhaps you can take some time to think about what it is that you want. Although it might not be your choice to split up, you do have a say in what happens next in terms of whether you want to remain in contact or not.