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Category: Ask Jigsaw Q&A

Ask Jigsaw: I want to help my friend but I don’t know what to do

Posted on by eve

A close friend of mine is going through a very tough time at the moment and I dont know what to do. Her parents wont help her get support because they dont understand what shes going through. I want to help her but I dont know what to do. She is willing to try a chat anonymously but I dont know where to find any number, can you help?

-Bumblebee

Hello Bumblebee,

It sounds like you and your friend have a very close relationship, and it’s great that she trusts you enough to share her problems with you. As she has not told many others, particularly her parents, it might feel like there is pressure for you to support her on your own. There are lots of things that you can do to support your friend. However, you are right to suggest that your friend gets help from others. Dealing with this on your own could lead you to feel a little stressed yourself, so do make sure you are looking after your own mental health.

Ask Jigsaw: Coping with Coronavirus health anxiety

Posted on by eve

How to cope with health anxiety? I’m always such a hypochondriac, and I regularly experience bad anxiety over symptoms I convince myself I have. With Coronavirus rampant at the moment, I’m feeling worse than ever. I’m not sleeping and my mind is constantly on whether I’m coughing or if I’m feeling a bit warmer than usual. Honestly just feeling so scared and drained, I really don’t know how to cope :/

Hi,

You are not on your own with feeling anxious about Covid-19. It’s hard to switch off from the news and information about escalating rates of infection. It is natural to turn our attention to ourselves and our loved ones. We may worry about getting sick, particularly if we have previously been anxious about our health.

Ask Jigsaw: Scrolling for Coronavirus information

Posted on by eve

I am finding it really difficult to stop scrolling on my phone cos I need information about what’s going on. I want to take a break, but I don’t want to miss out on any updates. Plus I want to stay in touch with my friends, but that can be drama too. Some of them are freaking out and some just think the whole thing is a joke and are going out anyway. I don’t know whether to just turn my phone off altogether or how do I limit it?

-Starfish

Hello Starfish,

A lot of young people joining the Jigsaw online group chat are also noticing a change in what they’re seeing on their phone, and how it’s affecting them. There is a direct link between the time we spend online and our mental health.

Ask Jigsaw: How do I know if I have an eating disorder?

Posted on by eve

How do I know that I am developing an eating disorder and how should I explain it to my parents and therapist?

Hi there,

Noticing a change in our mental health can be a little frightening. It’s not unusual to seek a diagnosis for us to better understand what’s going on. If you have noticed a change in how you think about your body, or how you feel and/or act in relation to food, it’s important to explore this further. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have an eating disorder. Quite often, if we get the right support when we first notice these changes, we can prevent things from getting worse. In other cases, we might need to get a diagnosis to access a higher level of support. You can find out more about the development of eating disorders at Body Whys.

Ask Jigsaw: Never had a close relationship

Posted on by eve

Hi

I’m 24 and my main problem is I’m very aware of the fact that I have never been in a close relationship with a girl in my life and I feel like I’m a real outlier in this regard. I’m very worried that I will never find someone and will always be alone. I became close to a few girls in college but they all rejected me just when I felt like things may be getting serious.

I still have strong feelings for one particular girl but am resigned to the fact that this will always be unrequited. I question myself daily as to why I was not good enough for this girl and this had led to me feeling very low at times. This has been going on for a number of years and I feel like my self-esteem has really taken a battering as a result.

During this time I have watched as nearly all the members of my close friend group have managed to find themselves in long-term relationships. I find it very hard to forgive myself for messing up my chances at relationships during college. I wonder a lot about “what might have been”. Would appreciate any words you would have to say about all this. Thank you.

–1995

Hi there 1995,

It makes sense that you feel you’re missing out by not having close relationships in the past. Through social media, tv and films we often get the message that in order to feel fulfilled and happy, we need to be in a romantic relationship. This is certainly not true.

Connections with friends, family, even pets and nature can be just as (and sometimes more!) fulfilling. You can read more about being single and feeling happy here.

Ask Jigsaw: Hurt by brother’s rejection

Posted on by eve

I drunkenly told my brother I wanted to die and he responded with that I was an attention seeker and I would’ve just done it already if I wanted to. He expressed to my parents that he thinks they need to sort me out and I have no respect for anyone, as well as being an attention seeker.

I’ve tried to contact him to discuss our issues but he just insists everything is fine and superficial chit chat ensues. It hurts my parents to see us like this and I’m finding it hard not to lash out at the feelings of rejection I’ve felt since. I get upset and angry a lot because I feel extremely lonely a lot of the time.

I think my main fear is making any sort of mistake again and having everyone leave, this has really affected my trust and self worth. I think I tend to not Process things and bury them. Then this eventually erupts after a night of drinking and has awful effects. I guess I don’t know how to fix myself.

-Smcl96 *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission

Hi there Smcl96,

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot, before and after the fallout, and that you haven’t got the support that you need and deserve. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about our mental health. When we do take that brave step, it can be devastating to be turned away. Your pain and feelings of rejection make sense.

Ask Jigsaw: Moody and snappy at home

Posted on by eve

I often become very angry and sad at home, my parents normally give out to me to being moody or snappy but I don’t know why do it. I feel like I am being treated unfairly but when I look back on the situation I don’t know why I got so angry or what the problem was to begin with. Sometimes I blame it on hormones but I don’t know if it is something else instead. I was wondering if there was a way to stop getting angry and have a better relationship with my family?

Hello,

Emotions can be complicated things. Sometimes there is a really obvious reason for why we feel sad or angry. Sometimes it can feel like strong emotions erupt out of nowhere. Often when emotions seem to come from nowhere, it is due to a buildup of lots of small things over time that affect us.

Ask Jigsaw: Obsessed with calorie counting

Posted on by eve

Hey, not sure if this is relevant so please feel free to ignore if there are better questions.

How do you know when you’re ‘bad enough’? I know that everyone says no problem is too small, but I can’t help but feel that if I seek help somewhere that I’d be taking the spot away from someone else who is more in need.

Over the past year, I’ve gotten super obsessed with counting my calories; restricting and then ‘binging’ (not really large amounts of food, just more than I think I should be eating) as a result, occasionally using other methods like appetite suppressants and laxatives to compensate. However, I don’t think that it’s serious as I’m not under weight or over weight yet, so I don’t think I have an eating disorder?
Not sure what I should do, I’d really appreciate an insight, as the new year is making me feel like there’s more I should be doing to be skinnier etc.

Thank you so much x

-Sershxo

Hi Sershxo,

Many people who have come to Jigsaw have worried that their problem isn’t ‘bad enough’ or that others need or deserve the support more. It is very difficult to compare problems, as there are usually so many different factors at play, including the issue or issues, the coping resources someone has, what is going on around them etc. Rather than thinking about other people who may access a service, it is more helpful to think about your own needs.

Ask Jigsaw: Coping with bereavement

Posted on by eve

My grandad recently passed away and i have been dealing with this horribly. Because of Covid-19 and the fact that we live in 2 different countries and that the borders are closed, i wasnt able to attend his funeral nor am i able to see my grandmother.

i dont sleep for 2 nights and then pass out for 15 hours because i cant bear to sleep, i feel as though everything has been dulled down and numb. this is bringing up a lot of sadness that ive been bottling up since 2nd year (im in 5th year now) and ive gotten so unstable.

yesterday my paints got mixed up and im pretty sure i had a mild panic attack. over paint. are there any healthy cpoing mechanisms or maybe a way of closure?

i just miss him, whenever we visited he used to tell us weird little jokes in our native language and take us to the corner store to get us gigantic ice creams in cones. i just miss him and it hurts so much, im too scared to think of him because i hate crying and making people worry about me which then leads to them trying to fix me which never works. i just dont know what to do anymore.

-Brick

Hi there Brick,

I’m sorry that you’re going through such a loss in what’s already a difficult time. Attending the funeral of a loved one can be a very important part of the grieving process. It gives us the chance to share fond memories, and to support one another in our grief. It makes sense that missing your Grandad’s funeral has made it difficult to process his death.

Ask Jigsaw: I can’t seem to feel happy

Posted on by eve

Hi there i suffered a missed miscarraige in 2016. I had a healthy baby girl june 2017. I struggled with stress and anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy.

I’ve tried to get back to feeling like the person i was before all tbese events but i cant. I cant seem to feel happy anymore and if i do i find myself just wondering when it will go wrong again. Im constantly wound up and feel tense even defencive all the time. I feel like sometimes there is a hand on my chest and throat and i cant breath.

Me and my boyfriend are constantly argueing and most of the time its down to me snapping at him or looking for an arguement. I find im always taking everything thats said to me as a smart comment or a personal attack.

 I cant go to my g.p. cause its a man and i dont feel comfortable. Im so fed up of feeling like this and now i think i need some help. Im scared of ruining my relationship and my health. What are my options and do you think i have an issue? Thanks

-Elaine

Hi Elaine,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been through so much over the past few years. Losing a baby is a terrible experience and people deal with the grief and loss in different ways. It is not unusual to for women to experience worry during their pregnancy, and given the experience that you had, it is not surprising that you struggled with stress and anxiety.