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Category: Ask Jigsaw Q&A

Ask Jigsaw: Family bereavement

Posted on by eve

1. I keep getting so angry and upset for the dumbest reasons (mostly because of disagreements with my mom) what do I do? 

2. My dad died a few years ago and I keep crying because of it and some girls in my class made fun of me because of it and I really miss him but I don’t trust anyone enough to say anything what do I do? 

3. I feel like I hate my mom because we don’t click what do I do? 

– Amy.88345 

Dear Amy.88345 

Sounds like you’re dealing with a whole lot right now. Losing someone close to you is one of the hardest things to experience. Grief and loss can be so challenging to cope with, and it’s not uncommon to feel like our emotions are all over the place. 

The way that we experience grief can come in waves or cycles. There can be points in time where the feelings are intense or painful, and others when we’re feeling okay.  It is ok to cry about what has happened.

Ask Jigsaw: Divorce affecting eating habits

Posted on by eve

My parents told me they were getting a divorce before lockdown, i told only 1 of my friends since quarantine. they have been living in the same house. i feel alone sometimes.

a few days ago my brother found out that my father was with another woman. he blamed me. for the last month i have been exercising and weighing myself everyday ive been counting calories and weighing my food .i dont know how to deal with the divorce but ive began to become obsessed with food and its leaving me tired and hungry.

-Henan

Hi Henan,

I’m sorry that your parents are separating during an already very difficult time. When parents’ divorce, we can feel a number of intense emotions including anger, relief, and sadness. There is certainly no right or wrong way to react.  It sounds like you could be managing this intense situation by trying to control your food intake.

Ask Jigsaw: I want to start loving myself

Posted on by eve

I’ve been told I might be suffering from body dysmorphia and I can see the signs, but despite that I seem to be getting worse? It’s gone to the point where I tear up when I see a recent picture of myself..and I do want to start loving myself but it’s just really hard to. I’ve been thinking of making an appointment, but I’m really scared of face to face interaction. I’m scared of my anxiety since it’s really hard for me to talk to strangers especially when I have to bring up my concerns.. Any recommendations on what I should do? 

– zwolfxo 

Hi zwolfxo, 

Sounds like it’s been really tough for you recently, but you did the right thing to reach out! At different points throughout life, body image can become more, or less important. But there’s no doubt that being unhappy with your physical body can have a big impact on your mental health.  

Ask Jigsaw: Feelings during lockdown

Posted on by eve

I’m feeling very anxious at the moment and I’m finding myself very lonely without the company of my friends, I’m lacking the social interaction I had on a daily basis that distracted me from all my worries and negative thoughts, I can’t seem to find that same distraction that works as good for me at home, I’m just finding myself unmotivated to do anything and generally just very sad.

-Anniemac

Hi Anniemac,

What you describe is a completely understandable reaction to the Covid-19 restrictions. It makes sense that you are feeling anxious because your routine has entirely changed, and there is a lot of uncertainty around. In the same way, it’s understandable that you feel lonely without the company of friends and daily social interaction.

Ask Jigsaw: My partner is depressed

Posted on by eve

Im concerned for my partner he has depression and is depressed now and just wants to be alone due to the lockdown im not with him and its killing us i don’t know how to help him, I ring him often to check up on him and i told him im here for him, i have anxiety myself please give me some advice.

-Bluebells

Hi Bluebells,

It takes a lot of strength to support a loved one when they are going through difficulties. It’s even more challenging at a time like this, when we are forced to be apart and may also be struggling with our own mental health. It sounds like you are doing your best to let your partner know that you are there for them. Covid-19 restrictions make it impossible to support others the way that we might want to. It can be helpful to acknowledge that, and accept that we are doing what we can.

Ask Jigsaw: No longer have a reason to live

Posted on by eve

What should I do if I no longer have any reason to live and the only reason I am still here is for my family’s sake?

Jay

Hi Jay,

I’m sorry to hear that you can’t find many reasons to live. In darker times, it can be difficult to find any reason to live. When we are suffering with great pain, surviving each day can be a tremendous effort. Unfortunately, there are many people who struggle with feelings like yours. Remember that you are not alone. Pieta House offers free counselling, both in person and online, to those who are dealing with thoughts of wanting to die. Their helpline is available 24/7 on 1800247247 or text HELP to 51444.

Ask Jigsaw: How do you recognise emotional abuse?

Posted on by eve

How can you tell when your being emotionally abused?

– Idkhelpmepls:)

Hi Idkhelpmepls:),

Recognising emotional abuse can be complicated. It can have lots of different names, like verbal or mental abuse, and it might have different meanings for different people. It’s really important to explore if we are being abused by someone so that we can protect ourselves, and get the necessary support.

Emotional abuse is systematic emotional or psychological ill-treatment by someone in our lives. It can be perpetrated by a parent, partner, carer or someone else that we have a relationship with. It can include manipulation, humiliation, aggression and intimidation that occurs over a period of time. We might notice warning signs in a relationship that could indicate it is becoming abusive.

Ask Jigsaw: No one to talk to

Posted on by eve

I’m sick of pretending that everything’s ok when I’m hurting so bad and I have no one to talk to I’m just so alone and wish I had someone to turn to what should I do since I have no one to talk to.

– Mary

Hi Mary,

I’m sorry to hear that things are so hard for you right now and you feel so alone. It is great that you want to talk about what is going on, and recognise the importance of this. It is not always easy to know who the best person is to talk to however. While some people might have a really obvious ‘one good adult’ in their life, for some of us it might take a bit more figuring out.

Ask Jigsaw: Moving away for college

Posted on by eve

I’m moving away to go to college in September, I know and have my course already.

It will be my first time living away from home and I have a been offered a space in a house with a cousin and some friends of theirs who are already in college.

The thing is I don’t really know my cousin that well. We’re not going to be in the same college. This has been organised by our parents and I don’t know the other people. I haven’t even seen the house yet but I’m getting really anxious about living with some strangers but also someone I am meant to know but don’t really and haven’t since we were young.

Hi there,

It sounds like you have lots of change ahead of you, which can be exciting, but also overwhelming. At Jigsaw, we know that it would not be unusual for people who are preparing for college to talk about some of the worries that you have mentioned.

Ask Jigsaw: Supporting my friends

Posted on by eve

All of my close friend have been through bad mental health. Some just took time off school to reboot, some to therapists , and some to cahms/st.pats. I’ve been there for all of them throughout the years. First one was age 9 to now. Some are doing good and some are going down the wrong path into drugs. One in particular who I’ve known for my whole life is now known as the ‘popular pretty girl who was in a mental hospital’. She’s now heavy on drugs and can’t go a few days without going out and taking more. I don’t know what to do it’s starting to eat me up inside and now I can see myself going down the same path as the others in terms of mental health.

I was the strong happy funny kind girl who everyone counted on and vented to but now it’s all getting too much and I can’t separate myself because they all need my help but I also can’t continue doing this because I’m slowly losing my mind. I’m going into 6th year now so I want school to be my number one concern but my friends are all good in a bad place and I need to be there for them so I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m making sense there’s so much more to it and my minds going crazy.

I just need advice on how to balance helping my friends , school , social life and my own mental health and prepare myself for 6th year.

-Butterfly

Hi Butterfly,

It’s sounds like you are a really compassionate person and have been there for a lot of your friends over the years. While it is a nice to be able to support others, without a doubt it can take a toll on us. You may have heard the flight attendant on an airplane telling you to ‘look after your own mask first’. This is because, unless we prioritise looking after ourselves, we won’t have the capacity to be there for someone else. Looking after your own mental health is not a luxury, it is a necessity.