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Brings categories: a young person

Ask Jigsaw: Supporting my friends

Posted on by eve

All of my close friend have been through bad mental health. Some just took time off school to reboot, some to therapists , and some to cahms/st.pats. I’ve been there for all of them throughout the years. First one was age 9 to now. Some are doing good and some are going down the wrong path into drugs. One in particular who I’ve known for my whole life is now known as the ‘popular pretty girl who was in a mental hospital’. She’s now heavy on drugs and can’t go a few days without going out and taking more. I don’t know what to do it’s starting to eat me up inside and now I can see myself going down the same path as the others in terms of mental health.

I was the strong happy funny kind girl who everyone counted on and vented to but now it’s all getting too much and I can’t separate myself because they all need my help but I also can’t continue doing this because I’m slowly losing my mind. I’m going into 6th year now so I want school to be my number one concern but my friends are all good in a bad place and I need to be there for them so I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m making sense there’s so much more to it and my minds going crazy.

I just need advice on how to balance helping my friends , school , social life and my own mental health and prepare myself for 6th year.

-Butterfly

Hi Butterfly,

It’s sounds like you are a really compassionate person and have been there for a lot of your friends over the years. While it is a nice to be able to support others, without a doubt it can take a toll on us. You may have heard the flight attendant on an airplane telling you to ‘look after your own mask first’. This is because, unless we prioritise looking after ourselves, we won’t have the capacity to be there for someone else. Looking after your own mental health is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

Ask Jigsaw: Panicking that I’ve failed my course

Posted on by eve

I’m in final year of my teaching degree, and really afraid that I’ve failed my last placement. It really knocked my confidence because the inspectors were really harsh after lessons that actually went really well. I had the worst panic attacks I’ve ever experienced after those inspections.

On top of the fear of failing and having the repeat another placement next year and not graduating with my friends in September, I’m not even sure that I want to be a teacher anymore because of how terrible the inspectors made me feel about myself.

One of my assignments involves reflecting on that placement, and it brought back up all those feelings of fear and failure. How do I deal with this fear of the possibility that I’ve failed while waiting for results in June, and if I have failed, how do I get over this anxiety around teaching? 

-Rewind  

Dear Rewind,

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge all of the hard work and dedication that went into getting to your final year in teaching and doing placements. Regardless of the outcome, your effort and impact on your students is something to recognise.

Ask Jigsaw: I think I have an eating disorder

Posted on by eve

I think I have an eating disorder I starve myself some days but then binge eat the whole day like the next day and it’s a whole cycle of starving for 1-2 days then binge eating the next and it’s killing me.

– Justalonelycarrot2 

Hi Justalonelycarrot2,  

Patterns of restrictive eating, bingeing, and starving can be signs of an eating disorder. Regardless of whether you have a diagnosis or not, it sounds like your eating patterns are having a very negative effect on you. The most important thing is that you get the right support to feel better.  

Ask Jigsaw: I miss my ex and want him back

Posted on by eve

I have recently been through I rough breakup. My ex boyfriend got mad at me because I went on a night out without him. He broke up with me over text while I was out that night. He ruined my night and when I tried to ring him he wouldn’t answer me. My ex has often said hurtful things to me before, such as belittling my job towards his and saying how much more money he makes than me.

We argued like any other couple, nothing too reoccurring and not too often. After trying again and again to talk to him after that night out he won’t talk or reply to me. I respect his decision if he doesn’t want to be with me but I feel as though the least he could do if he truly cared about me was just give me and explanation as to why he did what he did.

I wouldn’t call our relationship abusive but he was controlling to a certain extent; getting mad at me for going to concerts / nights out without him, talking to his friends when we both were around them and if I talked to any other boys . I know my worth and I know how he treated me is not on but I can’t help but miss him and want him back. At the minute he is the only person I want to talk to and I genuinely don’t know what to do.

-EvC123

Hi there EvC123,

Breaking up with someone can be a really complicated and emotional time. It sounds like you are reflecting a lot on whether returning to this relationship would be a good thing for you to do. You might feel lonely on your own, particularly when you are used to being able to speak to your ex. It takes courage to seek help from someone new, so thank you for using this space.

Ask Jigsaw: Preparing for the future

Posted on by eve

How do I face a future I cannot predict? What can I do to prepare for a future I may never be ready for? What are important skills for independent living? What can I do now, during this pandemic to prepare for the future? How do I make myself believe in things that are common sense, but yet I somehow refuse to accept?

-Beepbeepimasheep

Hi Beepbeepimasheep,

During times of unprecedented change, it’s not surprising to ask ourselves important questions as you have. It can be useful to ask questions about the future, so that we can feel prepared for what’s to come. However, the only certainty about the future is that it is uncertain, regardless of whether Covid-19 happened or not. It’s understandable if this makes us feel anxious, but giving ourselves the permission to accept this can be very calming.

Ask Jigsaw: I feel that my mother hates me

Posted on by eve

My mother and I don’t get along. She has admitted to resenting me during one of our arguments. I feel like no matter what I do she gets upset. And even though sometimes it’s clear she’s at fault I blame myself for everything. I can’t help but feel she hates me. She puts so much pressure on me and I don’t know how to handle it. I have a feeling it might also be the fact that I am Bisexual as she has made some comments that have made me question if it’s OK to be who I am.

I’m usually okay because I have my friends to talk to you but since the virus its very hard to talk. I feel maybe she would be happier if I wasn’t here. I still think about something hurtful she said, even though it was a year ago. I feel like I’m being stupid and that I’m overreacting.

I try to talk to her but I’m shut down straight away. I also can’t cry in arguments because then I’m yelled at. And she’s always calling me a liar or saying I’m playing victim. I try to get along with her but I can’t take it anymore and maybe I’d be better off not here at all. I don’t know what to do and this is the only thing I could think of to go to. Any advice?

KM *Please note this question has been edited in length from the original submission.

Hello KM,

Family conflict can be very distressing and now with Covid 19, it can be all the more intense. It sounds like your mother has made some very hurtful remarks to you in the past, and her behaviour towards you can be aggressive. It makes sense that you are questioning your relationship now, and that you are avoiding confrontation. No one should be treated aggressively, or to be made feel like they don’t belong.

Ask Jigsaw: Scared of being hurt again

Posted on by eve

I’ve never gotten along with my dad and he’s really hurt me in the past. Then he moved and now he’s calling me and being nice but he never apologised. I’m scared he’ll hurt me again and I want to forgive him I just don’t know how. What do you think I should do? Sorry to bother you with this i know it’s a hard time for everyone right now.

Anna

Hi Anna,

I’m glad that you got in touch because you deserve to be supported in this situation. Conflict with our parents can really affect us. From a young age, we learn to do what our parents tell us and we can feel a responsibility to do what they say. It’s understandable that you feel uncertain.

It’s our parents’ role to protect us from harm and to treat us with warmth and love. It is wrong, and in some cases illegal, for our parents to hurt us. It sounds like you’ve been hurt in the past. Whether that was physical or emotional, you are right to make sure you are protected from it happening again.

Ask Jigsaw: Don’t want to stress parents

Posted on by eve

I feel like if I talk about my problems right now it’ll stress my parents out, and that maybe I’m just over reacting. What should I do?

-Xeron

Hi Xeron,

It’s not unusual to feel apprehensive about speaking to family about the difficulties we’re facing. There are lots of reasons why we might retreat inwards and hold all our feelings to ourselves. We can feel like we are protecting ourselves from the judgement of others. Maybe we feel guilty about causing worry, or we want to be able to handle it alone. It takes courage to recognise that we all need support sometimes and we can’t face all our challenges alone.